


Welcome To The Galaxy!

by scissorcrush



Category: Captain Underpants Series - Dav Pilkey
Genre: AT LEAST NOT THAT MUCH, Alternate Universe - Space, Galaxypants AU, I DIDNT TAKE ANY INSPIRATION FROM STAR TREK, Other, so is cu, so ofc im combining them, space is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2018-12-10 15:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 26,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11694981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scissorcrush/pseuds/scissorcrush
Summary: Somewhere in the deep, dark reaches of space, lies Starship JH-97, where pranksters George and Harold reside. These two are restless, and dream of one day exploring the cosmos. Until then, they prank their horrible supervisors and commanders, who really aren't very nice people. The worst of them is Starship Commander Krupp, their nemesis. He hates fun, laughter, and especially their comics! But that all changes one day when George and Harold stumble upon a very peculiar gun...





	1. Stardate: Now, I guess... I dunno.

"Captain's log. April 28th, 30XX. All is as it should be. Commander P has reported that the new vitamin-infused water tested positive for consumption. We will rewire the main water pipes in about a week. Trajectory is once again passing the dwarf cluster CTB+B. Predicted pass point is- WOAH!" Commander Krupp was cut short as he started floating out of his seat, his camera automatically ending the broadcast. His soda shot out of its cup, floating in midair and doing loop-de-loops around the commander's head tauntingly. The commander just floated there, not sure what to say. Had the gravity malfunctioned? Maintenance check? Commander P joking around with him? He watched an unfinished sandwich drift upwards, topping by topping. What could have caused this-

Commander Krupp got his answer as the gravity had abruptly turned back on- to max. He plummeted to the floor, face-first. Soda rained down on him and sandwich debris fluttered down onto his back. Everything was still for a good few seconds, but then the commander hoisted himself up limb by limb, wiped what used to be his lunch off his face, and took a deep breath...

"GEORGE!! HAROLD!!" A guttural rage spread all throughout Commander Krupp, as his siren song for all who dared cross his path echoed and wobbled throughout the rooms, bounced off the pipes and skipped through the vents. These cries had silenced nearly everyone in the area.... except two quiet titters coming from near the Gravity Control Room. 

"Oh man... That one's an oldie but a goodie! Thanks for snagging the keys again, Harold!" George giggled, giving Harold one of their patented quiet-fives.

"Well, thank YOU for giving me the idea, George!" Harold replied, returning the gesture. The two boys gave one more hearty chuckle, then with a knock of George's elbow and the busting of a loose vent, the two boys were off. "Gosh, it's always so dusty in here! Do they ever clean these things?" Harold complained, batting away a cobweb in disgust.

George rolled his eyes in amusement. "Of course they don't. The only ones who actually come down here are me, you, and..." George trailed off as something small and furry brushed up against his leg.

"SULU!" The boys exclaimed happily, as they looked at their bionic buddy. Sulu squeaked in reply, jumping into Harold's hair as the boys moved through the maze of vents. Turning left, right, left... the boys knew the way like the back of their hand. The path they always took was spotless, and you could tell where they would never go, as they were coated in a fine blanket of dust. The boys smiled at each other as they could hear the familiar stomps of their rotten commander beneath them, knowing he would never find where the boys had gone. George gave Harold a nod as they ventured forward, finally coming to their destination. Sulu unscrewed the vent screws, ran off and the two boys popped out, relatively unharmed aside from the dust. 

“Welcome back, boys. You didn’t get into too much trouble today, did you?” Mrs. Hutchins said, as she sat in her hover-chair, reading the weekly bulletin.  
“Not much, just the usual,” Harold giggled mischievously. 

“I hope it wasn’t much. This is the fifth time this month, you two!” Mrs. Beard said sternly as she walked up to the boys. “...But I’ll admit, turning the gravity off on the commander was a little funny,” She finished, crouching down and ruffling the boys’ hair. “Now go finish your homework for the day.”

The boys ran off to their room and grabbed their tablets, eager to get it over with.

“Hey, George… How do you carry this again?” Harold asked, leaning over to talk to his pal.

“Oh, that’s easy. You just take this, see? Then put it over here so that it has a friend…” George went on and on, explaining to his friend, but a very different pair of people were also talking at the moment.

“So, the gravity got turned off again, I see?” Commander P said nonchalantly, drawing overtop a cartoony image of a brain. 

“YES. IT DID,” Commander Krupp angrily responded as he paced back and forth in the meeting room. 

“You really should learn to keep an eye on those two.” Commander P smirked snidely, not bothered at all by the slight rumble his co-commander’s footsteps were causing. 

“I HAVE been! For several years! They always manage to evade my grasp! No matter what I do!” Commander Krupp growled, pacing faster. 

Commander P chuckled. “Remember that one time when you tried to set up security robots? They drowned themselves in the community pool. Oh, oh, how about that camera system? That went down almost immediately, as soon as they had clogged the circuits by throwing pies at the cameras!” 

“You built most of those things, you know,” Commander Krupp said, shooting an accusatory glare at Commander P. 

Commander P’s face darkened. “Oh. Right,” he muttered grimly. 

“That’s besides the point. You listen here, P! I’m gonna get those two boys someday… I’m not quite sure how yet, but I will. One day very, VERY soon,” Commander Krupp said, a malicious grin spreading across his face. 

“Yeah, I sure hope it’s soon, bub. Melvin’s presenting the TT-2000 prototype tomorrow,” Commander P grunted, completely ruining the dark and ominous atmosphere.  
“That was TOMORROW?! Oh my gosh, I totally forgot! I NEED TO GO CHANGE THE SCHEDULE!” Commander Krupp panicked, grabbing his hat and rushing out the door. 

Commander P grumbled, going back to crossing out a small purple area of the brain aggressively. 

“Professor! I mean, Commander! Sir! Mr. P!” An array of titles were being spat out as a tuft of ginger hair could be spotted running into the room. 

“Melvin! Just on time! I assume the TT-2000 is ready?” Commander P greeted the young boy.

“Yes, with all the special accommodations you requested, sir!” Melvin said excitedly. “This will grant me extra credentials, right?” 

“Of course, kiddo,” Professor P said absentmindedly, tousling the boy’s hair and sending him on his way. 

“...And that’s how you carry it?” Harold asked a final time. 

“Sure is, buddy,” George finished, patting Harold on the back as the two of them put their homework away and got out something more important- comic-making materials! The two boys looked at each other, twinkles in their eyes, and got to work. 

George started with the lettering. “A long, long, long long long long time ago, there was a planet called… Underpantyworld!” Harold scribbled a pair of underpants onto the turquoise planet. “Yeah, that’s perfect!” George pat his best friend on the back, and then continued to weave their tale…

“Underpantyworld was a lot like our world, except… people only wore underwear!” Harold quickly drew on the mandatory jumpsuits everyone on JH-97 considered undergarments, and George nodded in delight. “One day though, they got attacked! And everything fell apart! So their king, Big Daddy Long Johns, and their Queen, Princess Pantyhose- wait, she’s a queen but also a princess? … Whatever. We can roll with it. Anyways, the… rulers, shot their little baby Underpants out to space in their finest spaceship, called the Waistband Warrior! And so, little baby Underpants grew to become the world’s greatest astronaut! Faster than Haley’s comet… More powerful than the pull of a black hole… Able to land on planets without getting a wedgie! He is… CAPTAIN GALAXYPANTS!!” The boys cheered, looking at their newly-finished comic. There the captain stood, exploring the cosmos… Harold sighed. 

“Do you think we’ll ever get out of the ship? Y’know, actually explore space?” Harold asked wistfully.

“I hope so, Harold… I hope so,’ George said, patting his friend on the back, then getting up to turn off the lights. 

“Night, George. We’ve got a big day tomorrow,” Harold whispered, tucking himself in and grabbing his stuffed dolphin. 

“Night, Harold,” George smiled, and the two closed their eyes, eagerly awaiting the next day.


	2. All Hands On Deck!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soundtrack: You Fucked Up by Weem

“I love Saturday, where I can wear my pyjamas a-all da-ay-” George was just about to sing when he was stopped.

“Shhhh! It’s 5 in the morning, remember? We had to get up early to mess with the TT 2000!” Harold quickly shushed his best friend, and gestured for him to follow through the vents once more. Sulu greeted them with a few happy chirps and turned on the flashlights in his eyes. “Thanks, Sulu. Who’s a good bionic hamster? You are!” Harold petted sulu, who nuzzled his hand happily. 

“Alright, c’mon Harold! We don’t have much time!” George beckoned, as the two boys headed behind the auditorium. They kicked open the vent and waved goodbye to Sulu, who happily ran back into his playground of ventilation. The two boys giggled to themselves and made their way to the centre of the auditorium. There stood a flashy model of a spaceship… The TT 2000. George and harold climbed into the cockpit with glee and opened up the mainenance panel.

“Screwdriver?” George asked, as Harold handed it to him. The two boys giggled.

“We’re SO guilty!” They laughed, giving each other a quiet-five and hopping out of the cockpit once the dirty deed was done. 

“So… What do we do now?” Harold asked.

George chuckled. “Wait.” 

 

A few hours later, and everyone was up. Commander Krupp was directing everyone into the auditorium for the presentation that was to take place, and George and Harold had grins wider than ever. As they shuffled into the auditorium with everyone else, they sat to watch their handiwork unfold in front of them. 

Finally, the lights dimmed and all focus was on the boy who had just come onstage. 

“Good morning everyone. You all know me. My name is Melvin Sneedly.” Melvin cleared his throat. “Today, I have called you all here to demonstrate the future of spacecraft as we know it: The TT 2000!” Melvin stopped his monotone and crossed his arms. “Trademark!” 

Harold nudged George. “It’s almost time!” He whispered. They exchanged a look as Melvin continued.

“This may look like an ordinary spacecraft, but it’s not! Behold as the TT-2000 takes… MECH FORM!” Melvin pressed a button with glee as the ship shuddered and morphed into a giant robot suit. The audience gasped in awe, as Melvin stood there, looking quite proud of himself. “But wait! There’s more! The TT-2000 can also shoot lasers!” Melvin pressed a button and… nothing happened. His brows furrowed in annoyance as he tapped, and tapped, and tapped again. Suddenly, the arms of the mech started shooting out toilet paper rolls, and the music player started playing a song about freedom. 

Predictably, George and Harold lost it. Melvin also lost it. He was freaking out, desperately trying to turn the contraption off. But the toilet paper rolls just kept on coming. He finally managed to shut off the mech, but by that point, everyone in the auditorium had lost interest. Strangely enough, Melvin didn’t seem to be all that fazed. Actually, he was… smiling. 

Amidst the chaos, George and Harold walked out of the auditorium with pride, another prank going flawlessly. They chuckled, striding down the hall confidently before a foreboding presence grabbed them by the scruff of their necks and dragged them back. 

“Oh, boys!~ A moment, please…” Commander Krupp snarled, his sharp teeth bared. The two boys looked at each other with worry as they were dragged to the commander’s office. The door was slammed and everything went dark, aside from the flickering of Commander Krupp’s TV. Commander Krupp sat down in his chair as his facial muscles twitched upwards. 

“What is he doing?” Harold whispered to George

“I think he’s smiling,” George replied.

Harold shivered “So cold…” 

“I’ll let myself in… Communications Officer lady,” A familiar voice snidely proclaimed. 

“Melvin!” Commander Krupp welcomed him in gleefully. 

“What is he doing here?” George asked, clearly annoyed. 

“You see, boys, Melvin never got to show off the most impressive part of the TT-2000. Did you two notice his stuffed turtle while you were sabotaging his presentation?” Commander Krupp asked, though he already knew the answer.

“Yeah, I guess, but we didn’t really-” Harold’s mumbling was cut off by Melvin triumphantly pulling out the alleged turtle plushie. 

“TT-2000… The Turbo-titan 2000 shares a name with… The TATTLE TURTLE! On the outside, it resembles a turtle. But on the inside! OHO! What’s this? It’s a camera, hooked up to Commander Krupp’s broadcast station!” Melvin grinned, but not as wide as the commander was. 

“Oh, Melvin! How fun!” Mr. Krupp squealed with delight, grabbing the Tattle Turtle and wirelessly hooking it up. 

“NO DEVICE DETECTED,” the screen read, and the commander’s smile faltered. 

“Is Bluetooth on?” Melvin offered.

“Yes, Bluetooth’s on. It must be something with your turtle,” Commander Krupp complained, tipping the turtle upside- down to get a better look at it. 

“No, no, you gotta- You’re on off, it’s gonna be turned on-” Melvin tried to help but was interrupted.

“I THINK I know how to work my equipment, MELVIN!” Commander Krupp yelled. “Ah. There we go,” He giggled, as Melvin hid the remote he used to actually set the damn turtle up right. 

There, in broad daylight, were George and Harold, messing with the TT-2000.

“Wow. Is that- is that high defenition?” George asked meekly.

“It sure does show that that’s us…” Harold continued. 

Commander Krupp cackled. “You two tampered with official property! This was vital to the DP Board Of Engineers! And now that you two have done such criminal offense on camera, I can put you two…. In SEPERATE QUARTERS!!” The boys gasped. They have been living in the same living quarters their entire life! Their eyes widened when the TV behind them showed off their new living quarters- They were on opposite ends of the starship! “The board’s messaging is offline for now, but come Monday? Say goodbye to your friendship!” Commander Krupp cackled as the two boys sat wordlessly, the colour drained out of their faces

“Seperate quarters…” George breathed out, sitting on the corner of his bed, still in disbelief. 

Harold was hugging his dolphin plushie as hard as he could. “This ship is as large as a small country! We’ll never be able to talk again!” 

“We could always call each other…” George muttered.

“It’s not the same, George! Our friendship is bonded through pranks! And making comics together! And… And hanging out with Sulu!” Harold said, as the vent in the boys’ room fell open and the aforementioned hamster crawled out. 

“Aw, yeah, I think Sulu will be the worst part… Nobody around to feed him!” George said sadly, stroking the hamster as he went to grab food for it. 

“...No. George, you and I are two of the most smart, crafty and resourceful people I know! Getting that turtle back from Krupp will be a piece of cake!” Harold rose up from his bed triumphantly.

George perked up. “Yeah, we know this place head to toe! This’ll be a cinch!”

Sulu climbed onto George’s shoulder as he and Harold shook on it.

Harold grinned. “Tomorrow.. We get that turtle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i try to have at least a wordcount of 1000 every time, and this one ended surprisingly nicely! im sorry nothing exciting's gone on yet, but we can fix that with a snap ;)


	3. Approaching The Spiral Galaxy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lot of references to CU discord ocs in the relic room bit btw, sorry if it's a lil cluttered!

The next day, it was go time. All or nothing. Do or die. Deal or no deal- you get the idea. 

George and Harold had on their best game face. This could possibly be their hardest prank yet. Only this time, it was life and death. Or at least quarters separation. The two boys made haste down the vent, moving as quickly and as quietly as possible. Sulu crawled behind them, keeping watch. Such a good hamster. 

“Hey, George… Which was the way to Krupp’s office again?” Harold asked. “We haven’t gone there through the vents since… well…” Harold was counting the months on his fingers.

“Yeah, it’s been a while… Must be this dusty old path then!” George pointed to his left, and the two of them started to head down the dingy old corridor.

They leapt out of the vent, making sure to make a perfect landing in some wicked cool action-movie poses. 

“Alright, turtle, we’re here for-” Harold stopped. He looked around. Whatever this room was, it wasn’t Krupp’s office. This was a room they had never seen. “Woah…” Harold said, taking in the secret haven. Surrounding them were pillars, with all sorts of new and unseen things suspended on them. A cracked pink orb of some kind, what appeared to be a piece of a purple porta-potty, a shoe without a partner, a video game with a button near it, a toilet seat with teeth on it, a clump of booger, a box of minerals tied up in a ribbon, and a black and green ray gun. The ray gun was on a pillar in the corner, turned off and seemingly dejected. It was obvious it wasn’t functional. Aside from that, there was still no sign of the turtle.

“Man, all this cool stuff, and Krupp doesn’t even keep the turtle in here. C’mon Harold, let’s get outta here,” George said, as he started to walk back towards the vents. Harold sighed, and longingly looked around once more for the title. No dice. He leaned on the pillar. 

“Bummer, huh?” He said, but the slamming of a door drowned him out.

“So HERE’S where you two troublemakers have been hiding!” Commander Krupp growled, shutting the door behind him as the boys shrank into a corner, trembling. The commander laughed tauntingly, pulling out the Tattle Turtle. “Ohh, is THIS what you two were looking for? What a shame… me and turtle are never apart these days!” He cooed. “And, now that I’ve heard that the board systems are back up early, it’s goodbye to your friendship!” He laughed evilly and the boys gasped.

“George! DO SOMETHING!!” Harold whispered, grabbing his friend desperately. George looked around in a panicked flurry. There was only high-class artifacts here! And they were all so high up that- 

George’s eyes landed on the forgotten, probably broken ray gun in the corner. It wasn’t much, but it was worth a shot. He grabbed the gun and pointed it at the commander.

“Hold it right there, Commander! Or… or we’ll shoot you!” George yelled defensively, pointing the dud weapon at Krupp, arms trembling. 

The commander stared for a few seconds, then burst into a fit of laughter. “SERIOUSLY?! THAT THING’S BEEN INACTIVE EVER SINCE WE FOUND IT! HA HA HA HA HA!” 

George frantically tried firing, but the trigger was jam. He kept going, praying that it would do anything, anything at all-

Click. 

The trigger had unstuck somehow and the gun was making a soft buzzing noise. George gasped.

“Harold… It works!” George looked at his friend, but then immediately covered his eyes as the gun shot out a bright green beam of light straight towards Commander Krupp. 

“GEORGE… WHAT’S HAPPENING?!” Harold yelled, as the commander got hit and fell to the floor. And then, like that, everything stopped. The gun stopped glowing, and it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The commander was still on the floor, motionless. Ever so slowly, the boys linked arms and walked over to check on him. 

“Hey… Commander? Y’alright?” Harold asked. The two boys leaned over the bulky man and saw that his eyes were little cartoony, green spirals. George and Harold looked at each other in shock. “So, this gun…” Harold started.

“Hypnotizes people!” George finished, as the boys both looked at the gun. George tried clicking the trigger once more, but it had gone back to being jammed in place. The boys shrugged, then looked back at their currently comatose commander.

“Uh… Okay, here we go… When I snap my fingers, you will obey our every command!” George said with authority. 

“So what should we do with him?” Harold asked. They looked at each other, considering their options… Harold grinned after a bit. “Let’s have some fun!” 

George cleared his throat and raised his hand up with a giggle. “You are now… a chicken!” He snapped his fingers. Everything was still for a few moments.

Then, the commander clucked. 

He bolted upright, and started walking around imitating a chicken, clucking the entire time. It was mildly entertaining, until he started banging his head on the ground trying to imitate a chicken eating. 

That's when the boys absolutely lost it.  
Harold got up and had to stop wheezing before he regained his composure and lifted his arm again. 

“Okay! Okay! You're a monkey!” Harold laughed, then snapped his fingers as Commander Krupp began to change again. His clucks turned to growls as he swung from the pillars and beat his chest, picking up a cabinet on the ground and throwing it. The contents scattered and out came printed archives of all the comics the commander had taken down. 

The boys gasped in delight, and together, in their hearts, they knew what had to be done next.

“You are now… The most amazing astronaut of all time… CAPTAIN GALAXYPANTS!!” The boys squeaked in unison and snapped their fingers, as the commander stopped in his tracks. With a new twinkle in his eye, he wriggled out of his coat, ripped his shirt and pants off and threw his hat away,hitting the room’s gravity panel. The gravity deactivated and sent the comics into a flurry around the commander. The comics got shot back by the sudden flex of Commander Krupp and a far too joyful proclamation of “TRA LA LAAAAAAAAAAA!!” 

The dust parted to reveal a new man- Commander Krupp had stripped of all his garments save for his red jumpsuit, tied his jacket around his neck to form a makeshift cape, and had activated his helmet.

“Woah… Captain Galaxypants? Is that really you?” Harold said, as George gently adjusted the room’s gravity back to normal. 

“Hm, let’s see… Captain, check… Galaxypants…” Commander Krupp patted his gut, smiling at the signature jumpsuit. “ALSO check! I'm pretty sure I'm Captain Galaxypants! ...Which must make you my trusty co-pilots!” The boys simply watched for a second, eyes filled with awe.

And then they went right back to laughing.

“Well, the galaxy isn't going to explore itself! Let's see what's afoot!” Commander Krupp- Er, Captain Galaxypants stepped over the boys rolling on the ground and triumphantly swung open the door. 

The boys quickly looked over at the door, realizing that the captain was taking his leave.

“No no, wait! Come back!” George tried to stop him frantically, running into whatever room the strange artifact zone was connected to. To his and Harold’s surprise, they ended up back in Commander Krupp’s office. 

“Woah… So this place has been right under our noses the entire time…” Harold murmured, looking around the office. 

Suddenly, the boys realized that Captain was gone again. They gasped, seeing the door to Krupp’s personal hangar had been left open. 

“AH! Here must be my trusty ship, the Waistband Warrior!” Captain Galaxypants’ voice echoed from the hangar. 

“Oh no…” Harold said.

“Krupp’s personal ship!!” George yelled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes, anuzzer chapter in bikini bottom... 
> 
> boy, 3 chapters in and we finally get our big hero eh?? what a rush! sometimes i worry that i'm going too fast lol!!!! this situation rn is just basically a recap of the movie tho lol... good news! in ch 4 we might be meeting our lovely lunch lady...


	4. The Waistband Whoopsy-Doodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain punches things that really aren't usually punched, and the boys shake appendages that really usually aren't shaken.

Captain Galaxypants gleefully hopped into the cockpit of the Boisterous Bub, or as the captain was currently calling it, the Waistband Warrior. He was smashing random buttons, trying to get it to start as George and Harold quickly clambered into the back seats. 

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, can’t we just stay here and-” George tried to stop the process but just as he finished, the cockpit slammed shut and the ship took off.

The two boys obviously yelled in a panic, because who knows where the captain would take them? Suddenly, the ship jolted to a halt as the captain looked out the window and squinted. 

“Great Scott! An earthling is in trouble out there… they’re sending a signal flare!” Captain Galaxypants announced in alarm, pointing to… a passing comet. “I must go to them!” He said triumphantly, unbuckling his seatbelt and lowering the cockpit roof. 

“Woah, woah, hold it! You can’t go out there! You don’t have anything to propel you forward!” George said, grabbing at the captain’s cape. 

“Nonsense! I can fly, you know!” Captain Galaxypants said, gently patting the boy’s head and leaping off the craft into the vastness of space.

“Commander Krupp- I mean, Captain Galaxypants! You can’t ACTUALLY fly!” Harold yelled, reprimanding the man.

“I take to the sky like an ostrich!” Captain Galaxypants shouted back, furiously doing swimming motions in order to move closer to the comet. 

Harold groaned, looking back at George for help. George simply shrugged, after all, it wasn’t as if the captain was getting himself into any trouble. 

“STOP RIGHT THERE, SPACE MONSTER!” Screamed Captain Galaxypants, as the two boys darted towards the source of the noise. It seems the captain had mistaken an old defunct probe as a threat. They watched as Captain Galaxypants leapt onto the hunk of junk and started… fighting it. “Ha- HA!” He proclaimed happily, as he had somehow convinced himself he was winning… Until his punch caused an antenna to hit him. “OOF! Right in the kisser!” 

As he was distracted, Harold slowly pulled him back inside the ship. “Alright, this thing should be pretty easy to steer- WOAH!” Harold tilted the wheel forward, and they went zipping back into Starship JH-97. The Waistband Warrior landed lopsidedly onto the platform, as the three passengers went tumbling out into Commander Krupp’s office. 

“Boy! That was rejuvenating!” Captain Galaxypants said gleefully, adjusting his cape so it faced the right way. Harold stood up and looked firmly at George, as the captain inspected Krupp’s chair.

“We have to turn him back into Krupp,” Harold said sternly.

“Okay, but would ya take a moment to appreciate this? I mean, Captain Galaxypants is standing right in front of us!” George replied, gesturing to the captain. Just as George finished, Captain Galaxypants rushed to his feet.

“Well, a hero’s work is never done. Now it is time to drive again!” Captain Galaxypants proclaimed joyfully, about to scamper out of the office.

“No no no no no-!” George grabbed a glass of water in a hurry and splashed it on the captain’s face, hoping it would quell him. 

Captain Galaxypants shook his head, an uncharacteristic frown spreading on his face. 

“You two… What are you doing in my office? What am I doing in my office?! RAAAAGH! I was…” Commander Krupp faltered as Harold quickly snapped his fingers. 

“...Was about to ask you two to come with me on an adventure! TRA LA L-” Splash.

“-AAAAUGH! You two again?! Why am I only in my jumpsuit?! What's happening to me?! Don't you dare snap your fingers at-” Snap. 

“-Last, we can get going! No more stalling, co-pilots! UP, UP AND-” Splash. 

“- By the way, you two are still going to be in seperate quarters. I just need to find that turtle, and…” Commander Krupp was handed a walkie-talkie. “This is mission control to Delta 4, hello-” Snap.

“Why hello!” Splash.

Splash, snap, splash snap… Eventually, Captain leapt up into the air trying to fly and knocked himself out. Now that the commotion was over, it dawned upon the boys that a woman with turquoise skin and tentacle-like hair had been watching them the whole time, a horrified expression on her face. 

George and Harold glanced over at the new face, that was… clearly inhuman. Had they been caught? What was she going to say?

“You used the gun…?” She mumbled, looking at the unconscious captain. George and Harold looked at eachother, then back at her. How'd she know about the relics? 

“You used the gun…. ON THE COMMANDER?!” She went from mumbling to a slight outside voice as she paced around in a circle, biting at her gloves. “Oh no… Oh my oh man oh dear… Oh, heavens to betsy…” Her pacing grew faster as she continued to spew out expressions of worry. 

“...Ma’am? Okay, first of all, who are you, and second of all, what's got you all worried?” George stood up and tugged on the lady’s dress.

She stopped short and looked at the kids, tentacle hair falling to the side of her face. 

“Oh… well… M’name’s Edith, and I’m the new lunch lady here…” Edith said, as she started to pace around again. 

“I didn't know they hired aliens as lunch ladies,” Harold said, going to stand next to George. 

Edith yelped. “You… How do you know I'm an alien?!” 

“Well, it’s kind of obvious. I guess everyone else was two wrapped up in their own lives to notice. Anyways, tell us what’s so bad about us using that dusty old gun!” Harold sputtered, anxious to know. 

“Well… Y’see… I was sent here by my leaders t’gather information on these people and… get our Hypno-Gun back from them… It was so important because it has a thousand-year long charging rate and… well, y’all used it up…” Edith said quietly, tripping over her words. 

George patted her leg. “We’re sorry, Miss Edith, at least it was used on something-” 

“Cute? I know, right? He certainly is handsome in that cape~” Edith interrupted dreamily. 

“...I was gonna say ‘something important to us,’” George finished awkwardly. 

“Oh… Uh, well, I s’pose I could stall my superiors until then… Y’all won’t tell anyone about this, right? Y’all keep my identity a secret, and I don’t tell anyone about the gun or the commander. Deal?” Edith smiled, sticking out a gloved hand as the glove fell to the floor, revealing a tentacle. 

The boys grinned and eagerly shook the tentacle.

“Now… Let’s get the captain out of here!” Harold said, hoisting the captain onto Krupp’s rolling chair and wheeling him out of the room. Edith waved to them sadly, sighing and looking around the commander’s office. 

“I think the commander lives… Right over here!” George said, reading Commander Krupp’s license. He grimaced at some of the points though. Eyes: cold? Hair: fake? What kind of joker writes this stuff?

“Well, here we are…” Harold said, pushing Krupp’s chair through the doorway as he grinned at George. “We definitely shouldn’t snoop around, right?” 

“Oh no, definitely not,” George said, as he began snooping.

They rushed to the kitchen and found… A single fork. 

They opened the fridge in delight and… Just ketchup. 

The cabinet just had a bag of “Not-So-Cheery-O’s”

It went on for a while, but the boys found nothing but lonely and empty rooms.

“Man… I didn’t think the snoop would be such a bummer,” George said.

“Yeah, this was a- a really sad snoop,” Harold added. 

They got to Krupp’s bed and hoisted the captain up to it, placing him in a perfect captain-size indent. How sad. 

“Do you ever think we’ll end up like him? Sad, lonely... On a big spaceship with no friends…” George said.

“It’ll definitely happen if we get separated…” Harold muttered.

“Hmph! We’re forgetting something, Harold! All we gotta do is snap our fingers, and Tra-La-La! All our problems are over!”

The two boys looked on the horizon as George spread out his arm, which was followed by two devilish smirks.

The next day was going to be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whats up gamers, edith's finally here! shes such a sweetheart, her and the boys already have a bit of a symbiotic relationship going, lol... tune in to see what hi-jinx the boys get into next!


	5. What's Up, Commander Krupp?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bad ideas. bad scientists. bad flirting.

The next day, George and Harold awoke, making sure the Tattle Turtle they had grabbed from the commander was hidden, and put on their sunglasses.

They blasted on their cool music, and began to hijack the ship’s light system, as planned. A disco ball lowered from the ceiling as the boys stepped out to start their day. Harold carried a boom box, and everyone turned to watch as the boys strolled down the hallway. 

“Hey… Cool shirts!” Said Tommy, a boy about George and Harold’s age.

“Thanks, Tommy,” Harold said, lowering his sunglasses and winking. The boys proceeded to look totally awesome and pump out music all across the hall, but they turned a corner and George stopped Harold- and the music- in his tracks. “George, what’s the-” George said nothing and just pointed forwards. There, Commander Krupp was typing on a maintenance panel and Edith was standing behind it. 

Commander Krupp closed the panel nonchalantly but he got startled by Edith, as she had apparently showed up without him knowing. 

“GAH! E-Edith!” Commander Krupp said, startled.

“Oh! Uh, is this a bad time? I did not mean to interrupt th’copyin’ process… I’ll go…” Edith said. Her wording was awkward and stilted, and her turquoise face was turning bluer by the minute. 

“Oh my gosh… What’s she doing?” George whispered. 

“No no! No no no no no, don’t go, I was finishing up..” Commander Krupp faltered, leaning on the panel awkwardly. “So… uh, what brings you… around here?” He grinned forcibly, trying to play it cool.

Edith sniffed. “I just… made this tuna casserole, an’ I… noticed it had yer name on it in jalapeno peppers.” 

“Hm! Smells.. Ah- Spicy!” Commander Krupp declared awkwardly. 

“Yup,” Edith said quietly, “S’Cuz it’s been dry-aged for a week.” 

The commander smiled cluelessly. “I… Don’t know what that means, but it clearly sounds time-consuming,” He continued, obviously trying to look smart.

“It took a week,” Edith said flatly. 

“WELL, I should probably get back to running the ship, y’know… it’s… Not gonna run itself!” Commander Krupp said, grabbing his things and rushing off behind a corner. 

“But-” Edith reached a hand out, but it was futile. “D’AW, EDITH… Get your head out of the clouds!” Edith said sadly, walking away in the boys’ direction. 

“Wait! Edith! You never gave me the tuna casser-” Commander Krupp’s chase abruptly ended when he saw two boys wincing at his feet. 

“What are you two doing together?! I separated you two!” Commander Krupp yelled. 

“...No you didn't,” George said. 

“Wh-yes I did! I have the official slip right here-”  Commander Krupp pulled out the board notice confidently. 

“Uhh, you might wanna check that form again…” Harold said cheekily, pointing at it. 

So the commander did, and he was shocked to see that all the notice said was “NO VIDEO FILE DETECTED.”  “What?? I could've sworn I sent the file! No matter. Right now I'll-” 

George and Harold snapped their fingers. 

“TRA LA LAAAAAAAAAAA!” Captain Galaxypants proclaimed gleefully, going to rip his clothes off. 

“No no no-! Captain, we’re on a strange new ship and uh, you're disguised as the commander! So keep those clothes on, alright?” George said, dusting off the captain’s coat. 

The captain saluted, making his hat and toupee go lopsided. “Righty-O, co-pilots! I'll need my helmet for this!” He said, happily putting the useless thing up. 

Harold rolled his eyes. “Suit yourself,” He said, wondering if they should go get Edith for help. 

Suddenly, Commander Krupp’s wristwatch started to beep, and a hologram emerged. 

“Krupp? This is Commander P, requesting you back at the office,” The hologram said, displaying an image of Commander P before shutting off again. 

“Huh. Neat!” Was the only thing the captain said, not realizing the transmission was directed at him. George and Harold sighed, dragging the captain to the meeting room.

“Uh, alright captain, we can communicate through our helmets, right? So we’ll stay out here, since Commander P isn’t exactly… fond of us… And you go in there and deal with business,” Harold instructed the captain.

“Got it! DEALING WITH BUSINESSSSSS-” Captain Galaxypants shouted, running into the room when his happy shout died down just looking at Commander P.

“Oh, hello Commander, I was just admiring your… drawing on our tablet, it’s in the shape of underwear... “  Commander P gestured awkwardly to the crude drawing. “Anyways, I was hoping to get some clearance on an order from the Mad Scientist Mini-Mall…. Now where was that catalogue?” Commander P pulled out a briefcase. 

“No… No… Oh! This thing! Whoops! Fire in the hole!” Commander P said, digging through the case and pulling out several dangerous weapons as Captain Galaxypants just watched, grinning goofily. “Ah, here we go,” Commander P said, pulling out the catalogue and handing it to the captain, pointing to a specific page.

“Shock helmet. Ideal for anti-laughter tests? Perfect for… revenge seekers? People in really dark places? Die...Die?” Captain Galaxypants read aloud, and the two boys gasped in the other room.

“Well you know, that’s all simply metaphorical… All you need to do is sign the form and we’re good as gold!” Commander P smiled, handing the captain a file. 

George and Harold waited patiently. Surely the captain wouldn’t actually sign off to this. 

“Well, this seems terrific! Consider it approved!” Captain Galaxypants said with a smile, signing off on the form.

The boys groaned. Why did he have to be so horribly optimistic? 

As the captain sashayed out, Commander P looked back at the now-signed form. 

“Well, that was easier than expected,” the commander chuckled, opening up a hologram titled “Zee Brain Of Zee Average Child”. He scribbled over a small purple part called the “Hahaguffawchuckleamolous” and laughed. “Now, we can finally get down to business…” He turned on his watch and dialed a number.

 

“Oh, Melvin?~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this ones a little shorter!! its more of a filler chapter but I Will Try To Do Better Soon


	6. One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Robot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> captain's first real fight and more silly flirting!

Captain Galaxypants leaned on the wall, grinning at Communications Officer Anthrope.

George and Harold poked their heads in. 

“Hello, earthling! I need the… Co-pilots, what do I need again?” He asked aside.

“The bio on Commander P!” George whisper-yelled.

“Right! I need the bio on the stinky cheese! … the slammer see! The blar-he-haa….” Captain Galaxypants struggled to find his words, but it was all useless, seeing as Communications Officer Anthrope was on the phone talking about winning a million dollars.

“Aw man… That prank was funny at first but now we can’t-” Harold said, before getting interrupted by a soft southern accent.

 

“I might be able to help with that…” Edith said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. 

“GAH!!” Everyone shot back in shock.

“Ahhh… surprise… It’s Edith... “ She paused for a second, twiddling her “thumbs”. “I can see if I can get to the database through Commander Krupp’s office, so you boys and your pretty friend can-” She stopped, realizing she had just said that out loud. She groaned, putting her head in her hands and started to back off. 

Captain Galaxypants grabbed her gently, blushing. He lowered her hands away from her face and looked at it, smiling dreamily. 

“Well, I’m surely nowhere near as beautiful as your… One blue eye…” Captain Galaxypants said, smiling as Edith started blushing even harder. 

“I didn’t think you noticed…” Edith smiled, pushing her… hair… behind her ear, which made the captain gasp. 

“Oh… Two blue eyes!” He said softly, as the two of them began to giggle.

“Alright, Edith, what were you saying about helping us find stuff out about Commander P?” George said. 

“Oh! Uh… Follow me…” Edith said, making her way to the commander’s office, Captain and the boys following behind. 

She opened the door slowly, and sat down at the commander’s chair, opening up the giant screen. 

“Commander Krupp said if I ever needed anythin’ I could use his computer… This probably counts, right?” Edith said to herself.

She stretched her arms out to type, but then hesitated. Typing with these stupid gloves on was HARD.

“Ah, y'all don't mind if I…” She gestured to her rubber gloves and mimed taking them off. George and Harold nodded, and she slipped her gloves off to reveal her tentacles. The boys were relatively unfazed, but a certain other manchild in the room was amazed. 

 

“WOAH! Miss Edith, you're an ALIEN?!” Captain Galaxypants shouted.

Edith shushed him frantically. “Shhhh! N-Not so loud!” Captain shut up immediately… and then picked her up and twirled around. 

“This is so great! I'm not from here either, you know! Did your planet blow up, too?! Did you become a superhero like I did? We’re gonna have so much fun together! You've gotta tell me all about-” He was cut off by Edith giggling. 

“Mr. Galaxypants, please, I'm excited too… But fer now our friends kinda need the info on their commander!” Edith said as the captain placed her back in the chair and laughed awkwardly. As she was typing, she talked to Cap some more. “Wait… You said you're not from here?”

“No way! I'm from Underpantyworld!” Captain Galaxypants said proudly, and Edith’s brows went up in surprise. 

“Wow, you two must have hit him with the gun HARD…” Edith muttered with concern. “Ah! Here we go! Go wild, boys.” The bio popped up, along with a picture of the scowling commander himself. 

“Let's see… Rented out the warehouse part of the ship… Former recipient of the DP Prize Of Engineering Excellence…Where is it?” Harold said, skimming over the text. 

George said nothing, and simply pointed at the section labelled “Full Name”.

 

“Poopypants…” The two boys said in awe.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the boys started to sing. 

“Hallelujah! Hallelujah! His name is Poopypants! We found his weakness! Hallelujah!” Harold cleared his throat. “He wants to rid the world of laughter… Forever! And ever! We will defeat him! Hallelujah! Hallelujah…” 

Captain Galaxypants jumped in for a solo, but once he was done the boys were looking at him with annoyance. 

“Captain? Think you forgot something,” Harold said, holding up a discarded pair of pants. 

“Oh, would you look at that? They came off again,” Captain Galaxypants said proudly. 

The boys rolled their eyes and Edith chuckled, but it wasn't for long as the computer screen cut off suddenly. 

“Commander Krupp! Today is the day you give up control of your ship!” A voice echoed throughout the office, and a video of a short man popped up on screen. 

“Why hello there, earthling! What brings you here today?” The captain greeted cheerfully, which only caused the mysterious man to frown even harder. 

“You know who it is! Dr. Doyer! I've been telling you I'm gonna take over for weeks!” Dr. Doyer said angrily. 

“What did you say? Dr. Diaper?” George laughed and nudged Harold. 

“What?! My name’s Dr.-” 

“-Diaper!” Captain interrupted. “Come on, take us over! You'll be stopped by Astro Power!” He said triumphantly, dropping the rest of his clothes. 

“We’ll see about that,” Dr. Diaper chuckled, as… something… landed in the hangar. Out came a group of 5 robots. They looked scrappy, their heads resembling funnels and bodies resembling what could possibly be toasters, but they were still stronger than the boys. The group was forced out into the hall as they took battlestations. George grabbed one of the commander’s golf clubs, Harold fished into his pocket and took out a yo-yo, Edith pulled out a frying pan, and the captain… Well, you know. He was doing what he usually does, spouting stuff about being faster than a speeding comet…

The robots stepped forward, and-

 

“Okay, okay, okay. The following scene has depictions of extremely graphic- and expensive- violence.” George said, everyone stopping and the two boys stepping out to face the reader.

“That’s why we’re here to provide you with the cheesiest animation technology this side of JH-97- Flip-O-Rama!” Harold smiled, holding up his notebook for people to see.

“Harold, this is a fanfiction. People can’t see your book. They gotta imagine it,” George said, turning the notebook to a page with a crude doodle of the robots on it. 

“Oh… Right. So anyways, here, George pins a predator…” Harold said, flipping back and forth an image of George whacking a robot with the golf club.

“Man, look at me go!” George said, cheering himself on. “Now here, here’s Harold bonking a bad guy…” George took on the role of flipping as Harold made cool sound effects and saying how he looked awesome in that yo-yo.    


“Next up is Edith doing… Something. It’s working, I think…” George flipped the pages as Edith bonked the robot’s head with the frying pan.    


“Here’s Captain’s part, and- Ugh. He’s still going on about truth and justice…” Harold groaned. 

George looked up. “Hey… CAPTAIN, WATCH OUT!!” Captain Galaxypants was just standing there triumphantly as the two remaining robots wound up to punch him. 

What he did next surprised the boys- He ducked, making the two robots take each other out. 

“Woah… I didn't think he was smart enough to think of that!” Harold said, marvelling as the captain stood above the roughed-up robots, beaming. 

Edith twirled around her frying pan, blowing it off as it if it were a gun. 

“Well, we did it. You two’re… surprisingly adept at robot fights,” She laughed, playfully rubbing their heads and the two giggled. 

“Of course they are! They're my trusty Co-pilots!” Captain walked over to them. 

“GAAAAH! My robots! That was supposed to work! Why didn't it work?! Everyone knows you're always too concerned with loneliness to actually RUN your ship!” Dr. Diaper howled from the screen in Krupp’s office, cutting the broadcast off. 

“Another evildoer put in his place!” Captain Galaxypants said triumphantly, and began to walk off. 

“Wait, George, weren't we gonna make that comic about Commander P, now that we know his name?” Harold asked. 

George patted his friend. “That can wait for tomorrow. For now, let's focus on cleaning this mess up,” he replied, while whistling to bring Captain back to clean. 

 

Soon enough, the four friends were sweeping up nuts and bolts. 

“Y’know, a lot of these parts are from household appliances!” George said, holding up what looked like the lid of a grill. 

“Bit of a DIY robot… looks a lot like a kid made it!” Edith said, laughing a little. 

“That'd be crazy, right? What a funny thing to imagine… A kid just sitting there, building robots…”

 

As they spoke, Melvin was building robots.

“I still don't see why these have to be so tiny, sir,” Melvin said, holding up yet another kid-sized TT-2000. 

Commander P sighed, his annoyed mumbles echoing throughout the entire warehouse. 

“I told you a THOUSAND times, Melvin, we build these mechas, find a way to get rid of laughter once my testing helmet arrives, turn everyone into humourless zombies, I pilot a mech so we can take over JH-97 as we know it, and then order everyone else to get into these and help takeover our board of ships!” Commander P hurriedly explained. “How much simpler can you get?!” 

Melvin shrugged. “I forget things when I'm hungry. We have been working on this for an entire day, you know-”

Commander P tossed him a peanut butter sandwich, which he caught and put in his mouth as he worked. 

“Mmph mph mmmph mph, mmph?” Melvin said. 

“Don't talk with food in your mouth, Melvin,” Commander P said like a fatigued parent. 

Melvin blushed, then took the sandwich out of his mouth. “This will still get me extra credentials, right? A whole bunch?” Melvin asked, as Commander P nodded. Melvin kept working, the sandwich seemingly forgotten already. 

Commander P took another look at his apprentice. The boy’s eyes were heavy and he hadn't moved from his spot the entire day. 

“You know what, kid? Take a break. I'll take over for now,” Commander P said, patting Melvin on the shoulder and handing him the sandwich. 

“Thanks, sir. For a guy trying to forcibly take over an entire ship with giant mechs, you really aren't that bad.”

“Shut up, Melvin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BUHHHH!!! longest time without a chapter!! i had lost motivation to do this since i had scrambled up movie events so much that i didnt know where to go, and someone pointed out i was rushing (which i was!!) buttt today ive tried to break away more from the movie to bring you dr doyer- i mean dr diaper lol, and his robots! it really is one of my personal headcanons that dr d's robots are scrappy since one of their heads legit looks like a funnel ;;anyway ive tried not to rush things as much, since we're only getting a sneak peak of what prof p's up to!


	7. Poopy, She Wrote

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we see commander p's perilous plot, find out his real name, and ... is that a hint of compassion we see in melvin?

It was a new day, and the boys couldn't wait to pass out their latest epic: Captain Galaxypants And The Chilling Caper Of Commander Poopypants. 

Harold chuckled. “This'll get him for sure! A funny comic for a not-so-funny guy!” The two boys high-fived as they climbed into the vents, ready to head to the Communications office to get their comic out there. 

Suddenly, they were stopped by Sulu, who was squeaking at them in distress.

“What? What is it, Sulu?” George asked, as the hamster led them down an unknown path. He squeaked solemnly before busting the vent open and gesturing for the boys to go in. They shrugged and complied, and as they stepped out they saw something terrifying. 

An army of tiny TTs, and a shrinking and growing ray beside them. Harold pointed at a toolbox labelled “Commander P”, and they both gulped. 

“We gotta warn everyone! Forget making a comic, we just gotta-” Harold was interrupted as the door swung open to reveal Commander P and Melvin. 

“So you see, that's why Cher can-” Commander P stopped, seeing the boys in HIS secret lair. He fumed and threw something from his briefcase at them- a self-expanding cage. 

CRUNCH! The cage surrounded the boys and landed, not budging. Commander P let out a haughty laugh. 

“THAT’S what happens to nosy brats who stick their heads into someone else’s business!” He growled, pacing over the cage and grabbing onto the bars.

“Commander Poopy- I mean, Commander P, you can't just-” Harold started, only to be met with another pound on the cage bars. 

“Commander WHO?! How DARE you use my real name! And…” His eyes drifted downwards to a very suspicious-looking comic in Harold’s hands… He snatched it up, skimming through the pages with a feverish look on his face. “I need… I have to…” The last time someone had used his full name was…

“Esteemed members of the DP Board Of Engineers! I stand before you today with an invention the first of its kind- the Sizerator 2000! It can… smallify!” Professor P fired the gun and grinned, shrinking a rescue drone. “And conversely… largify!” A fancy supermodel smiles and gestured to some space food that was rapidly growing before her very eyes. A haughty old woman made her way to the professor on stage.

“The DP Board Of Engineers’ Nobel Prize For Inventing Stuff goes to Professor Poop- I’m sorry, but is that really your name? It’s not like, a joke or anything?” 

“No, it’s… a traditional name in the New Swissland belt of ships!” 

“Ah, well, am I pronouncing it right? Poopypants!” The woman giggled.

“Yeah, more or less, except the emphasis is on the Poop!” Professor P offered, trying to be helpful as the entire board erupted into laughter.

He could never recall all that happened next, as he lost himself in a fit of rage. Who knows how many people he shrank…

He didn’t come back to any DP-affiliated ships until a few years later. Of course, if they knew who he was he’d be arrested on the spot, so he brought another toy. He couldn’t recall how many people had been zapped with his Forgetchamacallit 2000. The lady, the committee, the communications officer, even Commander Krupp… 

Commander Krupp! He needed to the see the man to arrange his ultimate takeover. 

“Melvin! Keep an eye on these stowaways!” He ordered, and sped out the door. 

“Sure thing, sir…” Melvin winced as the commander slammed on the door, hard. Harold sat down, sighing. He wondered if the commander was ever gonna let them go.  
George smooshed his face up against the bars of the cage.

“Hey, Melvin… Why do you hang out with a jerk like Commander P anyways?” He asked, as Melvin slowly picked up tools. Melvin froze for a moment before responding.

“Because nobody else wants to be friends with me,” He answered.  
m  
“Maybe it’s because you’re a-” George shushed Harold before he could finish. “...I mean, I always thought you liked being a loner?”

Melvin sighed, pushing aside his work for a moment and taking out a sketchpad.

“You really aren’t supposed to be all alone. Humans are actually supposed to be social creatures…”

 

“...And that’s why we survived for so long,” Melvin finished. It had been 20 minutes, and the boys were working on undoing the lock. They stepped out of the cage, and froze as they realized Melvin was still fully able to stop them. Melvin tapped his fingers together awkwardly. “...Thanks for listening to me. If the professor asks… You two escaped,” he said, letting the two of them pass.

The boys looked at each other, then at Melvin, who turned back to work on the Turbo-Titans without a word. 

George finally spoke up after a while of walking and silence. “We need to go-” They quickly hid behind a corner as they noticed the distinct shape of two tufts of white hair rounding the corner. Commander P twirled a device shaped like a question mark around like a revolver, blowing on the top to imitate blowing off smoke. His fellow commander staggered into the hall as well, looking rightfully disjointed. The boys could only assume the worst. 

“Do you think he erased Krupp’s memory or something? Why would he-” Harold was stopped by the looming visage of Commander Krupp, who quickly snatched up the comic Harold was still carrying.

“How many times have I told you boys about these comics?! And besides, I still need to seperate yo-TRA LA LAAAAAAAAAAA!” With a very quick snap of the fingers, the comic was released and Captain Galaxypants had very quickly undressed. He puffed out his chest in pride, as the boys groaned. 

“Captain, you're still in disguise! Get your pants back on right now!” George whisper-yelled, hoping the professor wouldn't come back. 

After a few moments, Captain had dressed himself… acceptably, and the three of them were sitting in Krupp’s office. 

Harold poked George. “You know, now that we control Krupp, we could make him unlock our digital comics…” 

“Great idea, Harold! Hey, Captain?” George looked up at the man and smiled. 

A few minutes later, the boys’ digital comic station was up and running again. Old comics they thought they'd lost splayed out before them, and they gasped and giggled in awe. 

“Not to be rude, co-pilots, but… What exactly are we trying to accomplish here?” Captain Galaxypants kneeled down. 

“Just trying to have fun, you know? Free the children!” Harold chanted, imitating a protestor. 

“FUN. Got it!” Captain whizzed away and the boys shrugged, opting to just continue working on a new comic instead. 

The boys learned a very important lesson that day: Never leave Captain Galaxypants unsupervised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOO okay!!! welcome back if anyone still here! i know it's all over the place but that's because i'm really really excited to get to some of the book stuff!!


	8. Girls Just Want To Have Fun (And Destroy An Entire Spaceship)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> captain galaxypants, you're harder to love, but you're even harder to hate~

Captain Galaxypants hopped, skipped and ran all the way to the ship’s main control room. Outside the door waiting was one of the meeting committee, Mr. Meaner. 

“Hey, uh… If y’see a bag of chips in there could you-” He was cut off by Captain slamming his finger against the fingerprint scanner and cartwheeling through the doors. “Commander seems… odd today…” Mr. Meaner mumbled. 

Captain Galaxypants shouted triumphantly in the huge room, as it echoed. He was awe-struck. The huge window that covered an entire wall could also function as a TV screen, and an impressive armada of buttons coated the bottom. 

Like clockwork, the captain knew exactly where to go to get things done. He cracked his knuckles and got to work. He tapped the main speakers and started playing “Weird Al” Yancovich. Next order of business, disabling the gravity. He ran over to the Gravity Control Room through the cockpit door and turned absolutely everything off. 

He floated up on the ceiling and gave a mysterious button a smack. Captain grabbed a hold of the ship’s speed throttle and pushed it way up. The ship zoomed around, doing loop-de-loops and making hairpin turns. 

Meanwhile, George and Harold were giggling with glee, kicking off the walls and doing corkscrews in the air. They cheered the ship on as it went faster, and faster, and faster… 

“This is fun, yes, copilots?” Captain Galaxypants floated triumphantly before them.

“Doyee!” George said, somersaulting right over the captain. 

“Hey, Captain, race you to the other side of the plaza!” Harold giggled, starting to swim in the air. 

“Oh, you're ON!” Captain Galaxypants wasn't much faster than Harold, but Harold managed to beat him anyways. The two of the laughed and high-fived, as George doggy-paddled over to his friends. 

“Hey, how's the ship going so fast, anyways?” George asked.

“Oh, I disabled autopilot!” Captain said, beaming with pride. 

The boys’ faces went pale. If he disabled autopilot, that means he was supposed to be piloting the ship, and if he was out here… 

They boys screamed. 

“CAPTAIN! You have to get back in the pilot’s room!” Harold said, pushing the man and grunting. 

“What's the rush, co-pilots? WOOOO!” Captain drifted off the path- straight into a pool of water that had floated upwards. 

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! YOU TWO-” Commander Krupp charged towards the boys and they snapped their fingers quickly. Galaxypants’ goofy grin returned to his face as he continued to somewhat rush to the pilot’s room. They boys narrowly avoided spilled drinks and kids playing with water, but finally they had made it to the pilot’s room. With every splash growing more and more manic, the boys grew more and more exhausted. The captain, however, showed no signs of fatigue. It was sort of unnatural. They quickly pressed Captain’s finger to the scanner and rushed through the door.

To their horror, the huge window displayed the vast, emptiness of space- 

And the meteor that was about to scratch the ship’s side. 

George and Harold frantically pushed every button they could lay their little hands on- including the fire alarm. Water came pouring down from the sprinklers as a horrid screeching noise came from outside the ship. Suddenly, it all stopped as a slam of a button on the ceiling could be heard. Everything was restored back to factory settings. The ground shook as Commander Krupp landed and scowled at the boys.

“Your friendship is no more…” 

Of course, the scratches on the side of the ship needn't be sent to the board for approval, so George and Harold were separated immediately. It took Harold’s family nearly an hour to actually get out after they had packed. Harold was wailing, sobbing, grabbing at the walls… George didn't blame him. He was crying too. 

George chased after Harold’s family in their cruiser, until he stopped, huffing from fatigue. He looked up at where he was- the cafeteria plaza- and knew who he could talk to. 

Edith was humble with her cooking. Subtle. She barely knew how to make human food but it somehow turned itself edible through the power of luck. 

“Hey… Miss Edith? Are you busy?” George spoke quietly, creaking the back door open. 

“Just makin’ dessert, George, come in… are y’alright? You seem sad,” Edith said, stirring a bowl of… something…. 

George shook his head and sat down at the little table Edith kept in the room. A table for two, to be exact. 

“Me and Harold got separated, and… I'm worried about him. Ever since his dad left, he's had a hard time dealing with change… He's my best friend, Edith, I don't know what to do!” George started rambling, as Edith sat down with him. 

“Well, we never had ‘best friends’ like y’all do here, so I'm sorry I can't be much help… I can say it’s gonna be alright in the end. If it ain't alright, it ain't the end. I read that in a human book once… I think it’s pretty true,” Edith said, smiling. 

George smiled, sniffing. “Thanks, Miss Edith.” Edith smiled and offered him a spatula. 

“It's cookie dough. You want some?” 

George nodded gleefully and picked up a huge chunk. Neither him nor Edith cared about Sal Monella, whoever that was. 

“Harold and I have just had so many good times together. Making comics, finding Sulu, uncovering Commander P’s diabolical plan…” Edith stopped passing him dough for a second. 

“...Diabolical plan??” Edith asked. 

George perked up. He realized neither him nor Harold had told anyone. “Commander P is… We don't quite know, but it's got something to do with Turbo-titans, and… I think laughter!” He explained hurriedly, as Edith gasped in concern. 

“What are we s’posed to do about that?”

“I… Don't know… I'll call Harold. We’ll think of something. We always do!” George perked up a little as Edith sent him on his way. 

The boys must have talked on that phone for hours. It hadn't even been a day, but they missed each other so much already. They spoke of comics, and Sulu, but most importantly, about Commander P.

“What kind of stunt do you think he's gonna pull?” Harold asked. George thought and thought, but he honestly wasn't sure himself. 

“I guess we're gonna find out sooner or later, right?” The two boys gave a nervous chuckle. 

“George? Time to say goodnight to Harold. It's bedtime,” George’s mom said, stepping into his room and turning off the lights. 

“Night, Harold…” 

“Night, George.” 

They two boys hung up the phone and tried to get some sleep. It was hard without the comforting presence of each other, but eventually they passed out, dreaming of what would happen the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was pretty fun to write : 3 mr meaner and his chips... that'll become important much later on ha ha


	9. Check under your seats- You all get zombified!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I SEE YOU. ZAP. I SEE YOU! ZAP.

The boys awoke to the sweet tones of Melvin Sneedly clearing his throat. 

“AHEM- Attention passengers! We are having a meeting in the auditorium! Attendance is MANDATORY! Thank you!” Melvin signed off the PA system as quickly as he had come in, and the boys quickly rushed out of their rooms to try and hide. George sprinted to the middle of the ship, and so did Harold. They boys reunited happily, hugging and shuffling off to hide when-

“Now, boys, we wouldn't want you to miss our meeting, would we?~” Commander Krupp said sweetly, grabbing them by their ears and marching them to the auditorium. 

“Owwww!” George complained, wincing as his ear no doubt grew sore and red. The trio made it to the auditorium, and the commander threw them in their seats as he sat near them. 

It was reminiscent of the TT 2000 presentation, at first. Melvin Sneedly shuffled out with a sly grin… Followed by Commander P. 

“Greetings, everyone! As you all remember, Melvin here gave us the very first TT 2000 prototype. I am here today to present Mach 2: This time, with NO LAUGHTER!” Commander P hopped into the mech behind the curtains and before you knew it, a bulb had extended for Melvin to sit on and do his thing. Commander P cackled, pointing a laser beam at every child in the auditorium and shooting. 

Every child soon began having an ethereal glow in their eyes.

“That's right- You all are looking at the smartest scientist in the world- Professor Poopypants!” He raised an ear to listen, but no children laughed. However, some adults did. He scowled, as Melvin began a transmission.

“You know, sir, I bet our mech has enough power to wipe out even adults,” He said smugly, tapping on the bulb which multiplied his magnificent mind. 

Commander P stroked his chin.   
“Yes, that'll work… Let’s turn the beam wider!” Another round of shots were fired and soon enough, nearly everyone in the room were glassy-eyed and zombie-like. Except for 2. 

“You two stowaways?! I should have known,” Commander P growled, stomping to their seats as the crowd parted like the Red Sea. 

George trembled, hugging Harold as the laser went full throttle on them. 

“Find anything funny about me NOW?!” 

“You mean… Apart from your hair?” George snorted, and Harold giggled along with him. Commander P grit his teeth, as he turned up the power even more.. 

“Harold? Harold buddy, you good?” George asked, struggling from the sheer force of the beam. 

Harold looked back at him, face forlorn and eyes cold and white. 

“Oh no.” Without his friend with him, George’s laughter ceased as well. 

George and Harold were as silent as the rest of them. 

It seemed like all hope was lost.

“Now Melvin, what do we have here?” Commander P asked.

“Well, I think we-” 

“A bunch of idiot zombies. Time for step 2 of my brilliant plan!” Commander P started sticking headphones on everyone, as Melvin started hitting all his Mini-TTs with the Sizerator. The commander snorted at the boys, and locked them in a cage, as it should be. 

“Professor? What are you playing in those headphones?” Melvin asked, and the commander cackled. 

“Cher’s greatest hits.” 

The two evil geniuses were so caught up in their brilliance, nobody noticed a glove slip out from the shadows and tug on the arm of the not-yet-Cher’d Commander Krupp, leading him away from the auditorium. 

“Oh, Heavens to Betsy… I can't believe I'm actually doin’ this…” Edith gently led Commander Krupp outside the auditorium, shutting the doors. She sighed, dusting off the man’s coat as he looked at her sadly. “If only the boys were close like you, then I'd get ‘em too… They'd know what to do…” Seeing the commander like this made her so depressed. Nobody could deny that even though it came from tormenting little kids, the man lived with joy. At least, that's what she liked to tell herself.

She tried snapping her, uh, tentacle but nothing happened. She supposed it was because the entire concept of the Captain was laughter… She had to do something. And quick. 

Edith huffed. It was an incredibly dangerous idea, but there was no other option. She knew of a miracle elixir that, if drank, could power through even the strongest substances and technology. 

Extra-Strength Super Power Juice. 

She pulled out the carton from her pocket. 

“Funny that a man who thinks he's a superhero needs superpowers t’save him..” 

“I don't get it... What's so funny…” Commander Krupp mumbled. 

Edith rolled her eyes. “Just drink it, Benjamin…” He picked up the carton and gave a giant swig, as Edith snapped. 

Slowly, the commander began to undress, and as he tied his jacket around his neck, he stared at the alien.

“Edith… You saved me...!” Captain Galaxypants pulled her in and dipped her down, giving her a kiss on the lips. He picked her back up and patted her on the shoulder, going off to stop some crime. Edith’s face was beet-red.

Back in the auditorium, Commander P was performing a heartfelt cover of “I’m Smarter Than You (Nyah Nyah)” when someone burst the doors open.

“STAND DOWN, POOPYPANTS!” 

“WHAT?!” Commander P looked over at the appalling new presence. What was THIS? Captain Galaxypants smirked. 

“I'm gonna kick your butt so hard, you'll fly all the way to Uranus!” The captain taunted, but little did he know that he had caused something much more to occur… 

Through the silence, two little boys laughed once more. Captain smiled. His co-pilots were back in business, baby. He pulled a few fake punches before flying up at the open cockpit to stare the commander in the face. 

“HA! Don't even dream of it! With this remote, I have the entire ship listening to Che-”

Captain Galaxypants quickly punched the remote and broke it. 

“...Can't say I didn't have that one coming. But no matter! I still have one awesome mech suit, and what do you have? Only yourself, a naked idiot!” 

“I'm not naked…” Captain pouted, socking the mech once or twice. George and Harold looked at each other. 

“Do you think it’d be cheap to have a SECOND flip-o-rama in this fanfic?” George asked. 

“No, but I know what is cheap.” 

“What's that?”

“Cliffhangers.” 

“Harold… Harold NO-”

Captain Galaxypants swung a punch and-!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this entire thing is a mess this is why you don't give me creative freedom


	10. Royal Flush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YEET!!!

THWACK! The fight had officially begun. The TT-2000 fell backwards, Commander P groaning.

“Just a small… Setback…” He said, getting back up and kicking the captain in his gut. 

“OOF! Nice… shot!” Captain said, winded.   
Commander P grinned and pointed the laughter-removing ray right at Captain Galaxypants. The captain smirked, and immediately left hooked, tearing the gun arm right off. The commander gasped, but snarled and pushed on. 

He was so enamoured in the fight, he barely noticed someone had begun a transmission to him. 

“Sir… I can't get out of my seat. And the bulb’s sparking,” Melvin mumbled, trying again to undo the buckles on his seat-

“Yeah yeah, sure thing, Melvin,” Commander P brushed him off, ending the transmission and putting himself on offline. 

Melvin gulped. 

Captain, meanwhile, wasn't doing so great either. Even though the mech lacked an arm, the TT 2000 was beating him into the ground, and eventually, he stopped getting up. 

“Captain!!” The boys yelled, but Captain Galaxypants simply groaned in reply. 

“I'm sorry… Co-pilots… I can't do it…” 

“Yes you can! I believe in you! The boys are counting on y’all! The entire ship’s counting on y’all!” Edith cried out, stepping into the room as well. The boys gave nods of agreement, and they hoped, and hoped…

Finally, Captain Galaxypants pushed himself up. He stood up proudly and quickly flew up above the TT 2000. He smashed Melvin’s restraints and quickly brought the boy down as the bulb exploded. He landed on the ground, and shielded the child from the debris that went flying. When the smoke finally cleared, the mech was quelled. A low babble began to spread in the room, as the de-laugherized attendants went back to normal, one by one. They gathered around as well, a locksmith helping the boys out of the cage. They were all waiting to see if Commander P was to emerge from-

“GURX!” A scratchy voice shouted, as they threw the door open. Three aliens with even worse disguises than Edith filed in, yanking her by the arm.

“So you FOUND the gun, I see… Took you long enough!” The curly-haired one scoffed.

“Zorx, Jennifer and I have been reading up on your little escapades here. ‘Edith’? Really? That’s just saying ‘eat it’. How unsubtle can you GET?” The one called Klax chimed in after.

“Now, c’mon… Hand us the gun and we can go back home,” Jennifer finished. 

Edith said nothing.

“Well? Don’t just stand there gawking! C’mon! I’ve got a mani-pedi over at Zxplyoid 12 in 15!” Zorx snapped.

“Zorx, you don’t have hands. Or feet.” Klax responded.

“Don’t tell me… Has she actually grown attached to these fleshbags?” Jennifer mused. 

Edith could hardly get a word in as the aliens blabbered on and on and on.

“Oh, man! Did she really! I bet she’s even dating one of them,” Zorx cooed. “My bets are on THAT piece of work right there!~” They pointed a gloved tentacle at Captain Galaxypants.

“They’re perfect for each other. Two weird outcasts,” Jennifer said. The aliens laughed.

“Enough, you two. Gurx, give us the gun. You’ve gone far over your scout mission’s due date. Hand it over NOW.” Klax stuck out a slimy arm, making grabby motions. 

“And no excuses, eh? Your superiors will be hearing about this!” Zorx chuckled.

Edith pulled out the Hypno-gun, staring at it for a while… 

“No.”

She threw the gun on the ground, smashing it into pieces.

The room dimmed, and a bright green blast of light spread across the room before the lights coming back on again. Everyone seemed alright… Except for a very dazed Captain Galaxypants. He patted himself down.

“What… Where- Where am I?! Where are my clothes? WHY IS THERE A BROKEN ROBOT IN THE AUDITORIUM! You boys are gonna get it- I don’t know what for yet- I- GAAAAH!” Commander Krupp took off running, hopefully to look for his clothes. He pushed back the three aliens- who were FUMING. 

“You’ve REALLY done it now, you little eyesore! That was the ONE worthwhile job you ever had and you- you SQUANDERED IT!!” Zorx yelled, pushing past their siblings and trying to grab Edith by the collar. They were pushed back by two little boys.

“HEY! If you want to get to Edith, you’ll have to get past us first!” George said, puffing his chest out.

“Yeah! She’s our friend, so scram!” Harold agreed. 

Zorx hissed, but eventually was pulled back by Klax.

“Come on, Zorx. We’ve wasted enough time on here. Let’s go.”

Zorx squinted. “I swear, I’ll get you all back from this,” they said, stomping out the door.

“Also, your back door is open,” Jennifer said, following their siblings.   
Edith stood there for a bit before tearing up and hugging the two boys, muttering a thousand “thank you”s as the boys hugged her back. 

“Alright, alright, everyone except George, Harold, Melvin, and- heh- ah, E-edith… CLEAR THE SCENE!” Commander Krupp slammed the door open for a second time, and the citizens began to clear the exits. “Now, officers, I’m sure Commander P can explain everything here…” Two DP officers pointed guns at the rubble as it started to move. Out came Commander P, covered in debris. He shakily pulled out the Forgetchamacallit 2000 and pointed it at the group- 

“He has a weapon!” One of the officers shot it out of his hand, the gun melting.

Commander P gasped. 

“No… No no no no... “ He frantically clawed at the discarded mess as the memory-wiping effects began to wear off. The two officers remained stoic, but Commander Krupp was backing away from the man. 

“I… You… But why…?” Krupp sputtered.

An officer cuffed Commander P.   
“We’re gonna jail him, unless some poor schmuck wants to be the parole officer of a wanted criminal-”

“...I’ll do it.” Commander Krupp stepped forward again, and Commander P winced. He stared up at the man but surprisingly found no malice or intent of revenge in keeping him around. 

The officer scoffed. “Look, I don’t think you're cut out for this.” 

“I'll have you know I run a ship, sir. I think I know what I'm doing,” Krupp growled, standing protectively beside the professor.

“Suit yourself,” the other officer said, throwing Krupp an orange jumpsuit. “For the professor.” It was obviously much too big for him. The officers marched out the door, and Professor P couldn't help but look up at his superior. 

“I don't get it. I lied to you, wiped your memory, tried to take over the ship… Why do you want me here?” 

“I’m… not sure myself. I guess there isn’t a Commander Krupp without a Commander P beside him.”

Edith chuckled, though the children were still wary. She looked down at George and Harold. 

“Ah… M’sorry for getting rid of Captain like that…” She muttered.

George waved it off. “If we had to choose you or him, we'd rather have you, Miss Edith.”

“Yeah! And besides, Captain was a bigger problem than Krupp ever was,” Harold added. Edith sniffed, pulling the boys in for another hug… As Melvin snuck out of the auditorium. 

George gave a small laugh. “You know, even though we’re still separated… 

Things might not be so bad after all!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah baby i'm back posting things at 1am


	11. All's well that ends- CRAP, IS THAT A ROBOT?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stuff goes pretty good in this chapter, i think

After everyone had recovered from the incident, the ship went mostly back to normal. George watched the repair crew repair the scratched-up side of the ship and sighed. Harold, who was visiting, patted him on the back. 

“Hey, Harold… Why'd you think Commander Krupp’s so angry… when Captain Galaxypants was so happy?” 

“I guess it's because Captain Galaxypants had us… He had friends.” 

“Well, I know a friend or two just dying to hook up,” George grinned. 

Commander Krupp was making his daily rounds when a text popped up on his watch hologram. 

“Do you want to go on a date…? A DATE?!” The boys smiled, knowing at that moment Edith should be getting an identical text. 

“Big plans tonight, Commander Krupp?” George walked out and asked, though he was sure he already knew the answer. 

“That's none of your business! But- uh, if you really must know- Yes, I do,” Commander Krupp answered. 

He stopped for a minute, then grumbled, pulling up what looked like bunking arrangements of the starship. 

“Well, it- It seems like there were… problems with Harold’s quarters,” He started, as the boys looked at each other in shocked glee. “HOLD IT! You two aren't living together again… But I suppose you'll be next-door neighbors,” Krupp finished, looking very proud of himself. 

The boys hugged each other. Maybe pulling this prank for good wasn't so bad after all! 

“Welp~ See ya later!” Commander Krupp jumped into the air, clicking his heels together, and slid down the hallway. 

The boys raised their eyebrows. Was there still a little Captain left in…? 

Nah.

Definitely not. 

Commander Krupp sauntered into his quarters, where Professor P was sitting on the guest bed, making a face at the ugly orange jumpsuit he had to wear.

“You know, I’m pretty sure parole officers are supposed to keep an EYE on their prisoners? And that suit looks hideous, by the way,” He scoffed.

“Can’t be any worse than your outfit, bub. Besides, your handcuffs are wirelessly connected to my watch,” Krupp hummed, adjusting the bowtie on his tux and sweeping back his toupee. 

The professor groaned. “Great, like a friendship bracelet except I’m a wanted felon. Where’d you reserve for dinner, anyways?” 

“Chez Jupiter. Why?” Krupp responded, inspecting himself in the mirror.

“Ew. Go to Saturn’s Bar instead. Get drunk. Live a little,” Professor P replied, lying upside-down on the bed.

“I’m not going to a bar the first date. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Well, fine. Chez Jupiter it is, then. Just don’t touch their escargot,” the professor finished, stretching.

“I won’t, thanks,” Krupp said sarcastically, rolling his eyes and headed out the door.

An accordion player played outside the restaurant, mostly drowning out those weird banging noises. The fairy lights attached on the walls were a beautiful dim orange. Even though nothing on the ship should have such a homely feel, humans were creatures of habit. The public wanted to be reminded of schmaltzy Earth restaurants, even though most of them had never set foot on the planet. Two dollars were dropped into the tip jar and the player tipped his hat in thanks, as George and Harold snuck up to the window to watch the date. There, right in the centre table, were Krupp and Edith, laughing as Edith struggled to use human utensils for her food. 

Krupp grinned and tossed his chopsticks away, grabbing a dumpling and eating it with his hands. Edith snorted loudly, and tossed her spoon aside, slurping up her soup. They got several dirty looks, but the commander snarled something about expulsion off the ship, which shut everyone up immediately. They sent their waiter to go get dessert, as they stared at each other from across the table, the romantic lighting accentuating their features.

“Ah… I’ve never been in such a fancy restaurant before!” Edith giggled, blushing. 

“Well, I had to go ALL out for- M’lady!” Krupp replied, smiling and painfully unaware of how uncool he sounded. 

“Ah hah, if you say so, My man~” Edith leaned forward, chuckling. The two of them erupted into laughter some more, until a robot burst in through the wall and shot a man with a laser. 

“What?! More robots?!” Harold panicked, grabbing George as Dr. Diaper stepped through the hole in the wall.

“Oh no!” George yelled.

“Guess who?! Someone dumped a bunch of tiny mechs, and I just HAD to get my hands on the scraps- WHATEVER! PREPARE TO PERISH!” Dr. Diaper rambled angrily, crushing a hard-boiled egg on a customer’s table for whatever reason.

Krupp, of course, was panicking. Usually there were security for this, but they were currently caught in a Chinese finger trap a robot had given them.

“If only we had scissors of some kind!” The first security guy wailed, as the second security guy nodded, adjusting his very powerful laser blaster that could blast right through a Chinese finger trap.

“Ahhh- AH, WAITER! I’D LIKE TO HAVE MY BI-...” Commander Krupp snapped his fingers to get the waiter’s attention, but he trailed off as a far-off twinkle began to form in his eye. A wide smile began to overtake his face as he quickly tore off his clothes and tied his jacket around his neck. A poor lady at a table nearby got a face-full of Krupp’s pants. 

“Commander Krupp…?” Edith gasped, as the commander- pardon, Captain Galaxypants, flew out out the restaurant, crashing through the window and grabbing his trusty co-pilots!

“I thought destroying the gun would destroy him, too-!” George yelled, looking at his friend in confusion.

“Well- HERE WE GO AGAIN!” Harold said, as the captain flew up to a window and uttered a triumphant “TRA-LA-LAAAAAAAAA!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *seinfeld theme* finally at the end of the movie!


	12. Sick- And Not In The Cool Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flu season is always fun.

From our last chapter, we appear to have slowly slid into the winter months. George and Harold had a relatively peaceful time, only having to catch the runaway Captain Galaxypants once or twice when somebody snapped their fingers and assuring him that no, there were no space monsters on the ship. Overall, things were looking pretty good for our heroes, and the only thing that would thwart them in this cold and dreary time is one of the most diabolical enemies of all-

Flu season. 

Nearly the entire ship was struck down with a cold- even Commander Krupp! George and Harold were bunking together, the both of them with noses as red as apples, and sniffling every other second. 

“Man… This sucks,” George muttered, as Mrs. Hutchins, a bit red in the face herself, placed down two bowls of soup.

“Here, boys, eat. Soup’s good for you,” She said. 

“Thanks, mom,” Harold said, trying to smile the best he could. “Can you believe school was actually cancelled because all the kids were out with the flu?” He chuckled, covering his eyes as George bent over his bed to grab the vomit bucket. 

“Crazy, I know… Who knew flu would pass so easily on to people in a spaceship?” Harold’s mom joked, stroking the boy’s matted hair as he lay in bed. “The flu usually only lasts a few days, honey. Give it time and it’ll go away, just like that.”

Harold smiled again, turning around to get some sleep.

“AH-CHOO!” 

“For the love of New Swissland, could you GET any LOUDER?!” Professor P yelled, lobbing a pillow at Commander Krupp.

“Well, it’s not MY fault I sneeze loudly! Don’t be such an accusatory grump!” Commander Krupp shot back, stuffing the pillow under his head to add to the massive pile he had already. 

“Wha- HEY! Give me that back! I need that! I’m DEATHLY ill and elderly!” The professor protested, throwing off his sheets and starting to dislodge the hot towel on his head.

“Aw, boys, boys, try not t’fight…I don’ think that’s the best thing for yer human ‘flu’...” Edith said, rushing in with some food. 

“Sorry, Edith,” Krupp said, his face going red- this time not because of the flu. 

“WhatEVER. You don’t even know about being sick,” Professor P grumbled, yanking one of Krupp’s pillows off the pile and putting it back on his own, then turning around and trying to get some rest. 

The commander rolled his eyes, smiling gently at Edith. “You’ve been a great help, especially with everyone out with the flu…” 

Edith eyed someone walking across the hall, perfectly healthy. 

“Well… Almost everyone.”

Melvin Sneedly was annoyed today.

Because nobody could handle a little cold, he was forced to have the day off from school. How BORING! He couldn’t even go hang out with the professor, since he was sick too… Not to mention he almost died on their invention… And his pet hamster Sulu, he assumed was long gone. 

Out came George and Harold, presumably sneaking out to the cafeteria.

“Woah… Melvin? You look great! Where’s your cold?” George asked, as Harold wrapped a blanket around himself. 

Melvin simply rolled his eyes. “I suppose I just have a stronger immune system than you. Geniuses like me have no time for colds.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Harold said.

“Well, the bottom line is that I get to roam free with no adults here, and you? You don’t.” Melvin decided not to mention that he missed the adults terribly, in order to rub it in the boys’ faces. 

“Ugh. Whatever. Congratulations on beating us about a stupid cold, I guess. C’mon, Harold,” George rolled his eyes, grabbing the hand of his friend as the two walked away from Melvin, who simply stuck up his nose. The trio was totally unaware that they were being watched… 

“Oh, man. What a snob!” Jennifer cackled, elbowing Klax. 

“Yes, Jennifer, I was there too, I saw the entire thing,” Klax said sarcastically. Jennifer shrugged it off and fetched a gun filled with glowing green ooze from behind the ship. 

“Right, so the plan is to leave that commander completely bedridden, but then with our Monster Flu formula, Gurx will be in for an unexpected surprise, heh heh…” Klax said, grabbing the gun and tweaking it. They put some goggles on. “Now, Jennifer, I can only see target markings, so I need you to stay right. On. The commander. Got that?” Klax said, enunciating each word slowly. 

“Mm-hmm,” Jennifer said, peering through the aiming glass. “Just give me a minut-”

“FIRE!” Klax yelled, as Jennifer scrambled to stop it, but it was too late. Melvin scratched the back of his neck and felt something slightly slimy, assuming it was from the lab. Klax’s face drooped. 

“You… Kept snooping… On the brat… And now the gun is empty…”

“ZORX IS GONNA KILL US!” Jennifer screamed, running around in panicked circles. 

“US?! YOU were the one who messed it up, you scatterbrained CLOD!” Klax yelled in response. 

“Who’s gonna kill what?” Zorx said, stepping into the room and wearing a bathrobe, space-bunny slippers, and holding a “Zombie Nerd Momma” mug. Klax and Jennifer stopped short.

“Jennifer did it,” Klax spoke first, pointing at Jennifer. 

“What? If you hadn’t gone so early, I wouldn’t have messed up!” Jennifer spat back, the two butting heads. 

“Shut up, both of you. Lemme see. Did you at least hit SOMEONE?” Zorx adjusted the viewing glass, which zoomed into Melvin, heading back to his room and coughing. Zorx smiled. 

“But Zorx… We didn’t get the commander…” Jennifer whined.

“That’s fine. We’ve still got our monster of the week, don’t we?” Zorx said, as they began to laugh. The other two joined in as well. What could they possibly have in store for our heroes? 

The next day, George and Harold snuck out to the cafeteria again, before seeing someone else in a blanket shuffling in the halls as well. 

“Whoa, who’s..” George started, before seeing the all-too-familiar tufts of ginger hair poking out from the blanket. “Melvin?!” 

Harold laughed, seeing the boy’s normal wild cowlick droopy, and his nose as red as the rest of the passengers. “Aw man, talk about karma! You look worse than me and George COMBINED!” 

“Sh-shuddup. I’m not sick,” Melvin pouted, obviously in denial. 

“Haw haw, yeah you are! The rest of us are almost recovered from ours… You’ll be stuck in bed alone while the rest of us go to… school n’ stuff!” Harold continued.

“We’re just kidding around though..Get well soon, Melvin!” George waved, as he and Harold snuck off. Melvin harrumphed and headed his own way. 

Days came and went. It had been about a week since the cold had hit, and everyone was mostly recovered. The boys were giggling and pulling pranks once again, and as they moved swiftly through the vents they saw the one to the warehouse Melvin hung out in was open. They decided to go in and check on him, and there he was, feverish as ever, runny boogers glistening in the light. If one stared long enough, one could almost swear they were glowing green. George and Harold didn’t have much time to stare though, as Melvin was staring them down with hostility.

“What do you two want?” He said.

“We just wanted to check up on ya, see how you were doing, y’know? Man, your flu must be worse than ours! Everyone’s almost recovered and poor you’s still stuck…” Harold said, walking close- but not touching- the boy. Melvin sniffed in defiance, sweeping some stray hair out of his face. 

“Actually, Hutchins, I’m ahead of the game, because I simply do not have the flu,” He said haughtily. 

“Dude… If your nose is runny and you’re feeling hot, that’s a fever. I thought you were supposed to be the genius here, man. It’s not like we’re calling you lame or anything,” George reassured. 

“For the last time, I’m NOT sick!” Melvin turned around from his invention and yelled. It was more like a roar, really, as Melvin gave a low growl as well. The boys yelped and got the hint, hurrying back into the vents. Once they were gone, Melvin went silent. “Did I really just growl…?” He shook his head, shuddering. Must be nothing. With that, he turned back around and got to work on his inventions again. 

“Hey, Professor? Have you seen Melvin around?” Commander Krupp said, poking his head into the staff lounge.   
“Oh, right, because obviously me, a prisoner with an extremely great social life at the moment, would see Melvin,” The professor replied, rolling his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, Krupp.” 

Krupp huffed. “Well, you’re both antisocial know-it-alls, so I figured you two would be in kahoots with one another, jeez!” 

“Um, rude.”

“Oh, you’re right, Professor… That’s insulting to Melvin,” Krupp finished, looking at Professor P smugly. 

“UGH…” The professor dragged his hands down his face. “What do you need him for anyways?” 

“Just to file some things. Anthrope will flip if I give her another pile of folders before she’s had her coffee.” 

“Well, he’s not here, so boo-hoo,” Professor P finished, jerking his head in a very unsubtle manner towards the door. “You can leave now.” 

It was the Commander’s turn to roll his eyes now.

“Oh, I see. You’re the boss now. Got it,” Krupp grumbled, backing out of the room.

The next few days, some peculiar things started to happen to Melvin Sneedly. 

He was definitely paler than before, and his cold was getting worse and worse. He shuffled through the hallways, leaving a trail of tissues wherever he went. His nose was constantly running, proudly showcasing gross green globs of sticky ooze, phlegm covering the boy’s sleeves as chunks of red and green mixed in with the gloop- 

“ALRIGHT!! ENOUGH ALREADY!!” George yelled at the author. Melvin sighed in relief. George turned around to look at him, with Harold as well. His hair was frayed and droopy, and his eyes had dark circles under them. He looked absolutely horrible. 

“Melvin, it’s almost two weeks now. No cold here has lasted this long before, and this bad. If you’ve been sick for this long, you should seriously get that checked out!” Harold called out from the other side of the room, he and George not wanting to get near the contaminated child. 

Melvin sneezed loudly, and boogie spattered all over the floor. Harold grabbed George’s shoulder, and the two boys looked at each other. Was it just them or were the boogers glowing?

Melvin sniffed defiantly, stepping over his mess. “Hm. Good thing I’m not sick, then.”  
“Dude, you literally just-” George was stopped as Melvin snarled at them. The boys gasped, seeing Melvin’s teeth- they were sharp. Melvin shook his head- his teeth seemed to be back to normal, and he glared at the boys as he quickly ran to his room. 

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this…” George whined. 

“Oh, relax, buddy, it’s not like it could get any-” Just as Harold was reassuring his pal, all the lights on the ship suddenly cut out. 

“Please don’t tell me you were going to say ‘worse’.” George said. 

Harold decided it was best not to comment on the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACHOO! we're in booger boy territory now!!


	13. Britney Spears Levels Of Toxic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the lights go out and there's a monster on the loose! whatever will our heroes do?

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! The thunderous footsteps of Commander Krupp echoed through the darkened hallways. 

“ATTENTION, PASSENGERS! We appear to be going through a bit of a power outage. Please just… be patient, don’t scream because it’s dark, and use your emergency flashlights as best you can. I recommend you all stay in your rooms until this is over,” Commander Krupp yelled through a megaphone.   
A murmur went through the crowd as everyone went to their rooms, and soon, only George and Harold remained. 

The boys looked at each other. 

“I have a hunch a villain is behind this,” Harold said. 

“Harold, it's not that deep,” George replied. “But I did leave my flashlight somewhere out there so we're staying out here for now.” The boys nodded as Harold took out his own flashlight, and they joined hands. 

As they were walking, Melvin was in his room. He had been so cooped up in his room, that nobody noticed his boogers glowed and his teeth would sharpen every now and again. But now, an even stranger change was coming over Melvin. He was looking at himself in the mirror the best he could using a flashlight, but he suddenly gripped his mouth, feeling like he was going to puke. He accidentally knocked over the flashlight, and all you could see was Melvin’s silhouette as he let out a bloodcurdling scream. 

“Woah… did you hear that, George?” Harold asked, squeezing his hand ever-tighter. The two boys shuffled across the hall. 

“I did. Didn’t Krupp just say something about screaming? I thought everyone would be back in their rooms anyways. The only people out here are you, me, and weirdos who like hanging out in the dark.” 

 

“Has it ever occurred to you that hanging out in the dark is weird?” Professor P said sarcastically, following the commander as he scanned the halls with his flashlight. 

“I need to make sure there aren’t any troublemakers. You should know this, professor. You were like, literally just a commander,” Commander Krupp replied. “And besides, what kind of person calls someone ‘weird’ for walking around in the dark? That’s called nighttime, professor.” 

The two adults continued bickering in the hall, Krupp pointing his flashlight downward for the time being. Their shouting grew louder and louder, and neither the commander or the professor noticed two ovally green eyes with pupils like slits watching them. 

Professor P suddenly went quiet. 

“What? Have I won the rights to walk in the dark yet?” Krupp mocked, as the professor still said nothing. “Come on! What’s with you? You look like you just saw a monster!” 

Professor P simply pointed forward. Krupp rolled his eyes and pointed his flashlight on- 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!” George turned to look at the source of the noise. There was Commander Krupp and Professor P, dashing down the hall and hiding behind the two children. 

“Commander Krupp? What’s gotten into you…?” Harold asked.

“Th-th-the monster! It was green, and slimy, and-” 

“And?” Edith, who had just came from behind them, asked accusingly. 

“Oh! Not like you, Edith… Heh…” Krupp said bashfully. 

“Definitely not like the lunch lady. It had horrible glowing green eyes, and its body almost felt like- eugh- boogers,” Professor P finished, as the boys looked at each other in alarm. 

“It couldn’t be… Right?” Harold said. 

“No, no… Of course not. Now, we’re gonna need a superhero to-” George raised his fingers, but Edith gently pushed them back down. 

“I don’ think we need two unidentified creatures with superpowers runnin’ amuck right now, boys… Soon as we find the ‘monster’ we can bring out the Captain…” She said, as George and Harold nodded. 

“Alright. This ship is pretty big, so we should split up. Professor, Edith, you take these laser blasters designed for fighting,” Commander Krupp said, passing out some pistols that unfolded into laser blasters.

“Hey! What about us?” George asked irritatedly. 

Krupp rolled his eyes and ignored the boy. 

“The boys should get’un too… They are part of the people out here, after all…” Edith said. 

Commander Krupp groaned. “But Edith…”

“No buts. C’mon, buttercup.”

“Augh… The things I do for you, Edith.” Krupp grumbled and gave two of the cannons to the boys, who cheered. 

“There’s 5 of us, so one of us is gonna have to go alone,” Professor P said loudly. 

“What? Professor, that’s not what-” Krupp started, before getting interrupted by the professor yelling “DIBS!” and rushing off into a corridor, his flashlight beam fading out. 

“Fine. Get eaten. See if I care,” the commander finished, blowing a raspberry in the professor’s general direction. “C’mon Edith, let’s get to the bottom of this. “ The two linked arms, giggling as they skipped down the hallway, seemingly forgetting they were in the presence of a monster. 

George made some obvious gagging noises, before holding hands with Harold himself and heading in the opposite direction. 

Little did the group know they were being watched. 

“Stupid- Ugh- Hunk of- Ouch- Junk!” Klax grumbled, banging on the heat-sensing display screen as it kept shocking them. 

“Come ON, Klax, did you get your engineer’s degree for nothing?! HURRY UP!” Zorx yelled from the couch. 

“That wasn’t me, it was JENNIFER! And SHE was the one who got sent into the lab to do some more chemistry- WHICH WAS MY DEGREE, YOU IDIOT!” Klax yelled back, tackling Zorx as the two of them clawed at each other. 

“Hey guys? I found a cure to this weird thing called ‘can-sar’, but I threw it out because it smelled funny- Oh,” Jennifer said, coming into the room to see their sinister siblings on the ground fighting. “Guys, guys, is this about the display screen? Here, you just- There we go.”

The fix was met with cheering, and the three aliens sat on the couch. 

“Oooh, check out the lovebirds on Aisle 5…” Klax giggled, pointing to two adult heat signatures, one of a large figure and one clearly inhuman. 

“And the best of the ship’s security!” Zorx snorted, pointing to the two shorter heat signatures with a tie and a bad haircut. 

“And that one’s all alone… Won’t that be fun?” Jennifer laughed, pointing at the last remaining heat signature, where a very big signature with glowing green eyes was creeping up behind it…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've got SO many chapters on backlog rn so i figured it wouldn't hurt to post another this week


	14. How do you make a tissue dance?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the monstrous threat only grows larger and more mysterious- will our gang be able to make it out???

Professor P hiked up his pants for the 6th time that day. This stupid prison uniform was obviously two sizes too large, and he hated it with a passion. He grumbled, shining his flashlight on the floor in front of him and generally only seeing puddles of… something. He must be close. The professor sniffed, then heard a low growl. 

“...Is someone there? Come out! Show yourself!” the professor yelled out, pointing his laser cannon and spinning around. Nobody in front or behind him, so where was…?

Suddenly, the professor felt a drop of liquid land on his head from the ceiling. A creature of indistinct shape and size shifted and morphed on the ceiling, the only form staying the same was two green, glowing, goggle-like eyes with slits for pupils. 

“...Well hello there,” Professor P said, before it jumped on him. 

“You hear somethin’?” Edith said, shaking. 

Krupp absolutely did hear the scream that seemed very much like it belonged to Professor P, but he chose to ignore it. 

“NAH,” he said nervously, cleaning out his earwax for enhanced effect.

“G-good. Me neither,” Edith whispered, grabbing Krupp’s arm and pulling him closer to her. “Everythin’s gonna be fine, m’ sure it’s not a BIG…. scary monster….” 

Suddenly, a ferocious banging came from the door the couple was walking by. Edith yelped, jumping into the commander’s arms before he could jump into hers, but he screamed all the same. He cowered, stepping away from the source of the noise when- 

“Wait. We’re near the staff quarters..” Krupp sighed, turning on the flashlight and rolling his eyes. The banging had come from a door adorned with novelty football stickers and “GO TEAM!” banners. “Of course. Mr. Meaner. Always trying to get a ruse out of me, huh?”

“I don’ think that’s the case this time… Look!” Edith pointed to the side of the door, that had been sealed up with dried boogers. Krupp raised his eyebrows, taking out a Swiss Army knife and cutting through the crusty confinement. Soon as the door was able to open, Mr. Meaner came barrelling out, nearly tackling the commander into a hug. 

“BENNY! YOU SAVED ME!” He yelled triumphantly, squeezing the commander until he could barely breathe.

“Yes- I can SEE that- Ugh, not so HARD-” Commander Krupp whispered, until the coach finally put him down. 

Edith waited patiently beside the wall, as Krupp perked up.

“Oh! You two haven’t met yet? Well, this is Mr. Meaner- Retired leader of the JH exploration team, and now just a regular old staff member-” Krupp started, but getting interrupted again the second time that day. 

“Because I was surpassed by the current leader, Ki-”

“No, because you wondered what Diet Coke and Mentos looked like on the moon and nearly got us both FIRED.”

“Jiss’ like in college, eh, Benny? Haw haw haw!” Mr. Meaner laughed, putting a sweaty arm around the man as Krupp rubbed his temples. 

“Come on then. Take a cannon and help us defeat the monster on the ship,” Krupp groaned, handing the man a cannon and letting him push forward. Edith looked at him in confusion. 

“Aren’t all passengers s’posed to be in their rooms?”

“We’re gonna use him as bait.” 

Meanwhile, George and Harold were making good progress themselves. They were excitedly ducking down a series of corridors. 

“Man, George, it’s been awhile since we’ve been in this neck of the woods, huh?” Harold chuckled, turning a corner. 

“I know. Do you even remember how to get around here… Especially in the dark?” George asked. 

“I’m sure we’ve got it covered. I mean, just look at us! We’ve been walking for like, 10 minutes!” Harold said triumphantly. 

“Are you… Totally sure. Because, that poster of Krupp looks awful familiar... “ George said, pointing to the poster he was sure he just passed. 

“Nonsense! He’s got posters like those hanging everywhere. If you really wanted to prove a point, you’d say you see the poster we drew on 10 minutes ago,” Harold shrugged it off. 

“Hey, Harold? I’ve got some bad news, buddy…” George said, pointing to a poster of Krupp with a funny moustache, an eyepatch, and stink lines drawn above him.

“Oh no… We’ve been going in circles the whole time?!” Harold shrieked. “Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh, what do we DO…” He said, starting to pace around George. 

“Relax, Harold… You see what I see?” 

“YOU MEAN THE SAME POSTER WE JUST PASSED BY?? YES!!” Harold yelled, pacing around his friend even faster. 

“No- a vent,” George said, pointing to a little red light that was inside the vent. “AND a friend who can help us out. C’mon!” George lifted the vent cover and went to chase after Sulu, and Harold followed. 

“Wait, George… Where are we going?” Harold asked. 

“To the cafeteria, I think… Sulu seems pretty hungry.” George replied, harrumph-ing with determination and following their bionic buddy. Before they could reach it though, Sulu suddenly opened another vent. 

“Sulu… Why do you want us to go here?” Harold asked, crawling out and shining a flashlight on a very stuck- and very angry- Professor P. “Ahhh…. I see now.”

George hopped out of the vent and went over to the professor. “Alright. Professor, we’re gonna free you from these… These, uh…”

“Boogers,” Professor P said, shuddering in disgust. “And besides- I don’t need the help of some dumb kids.

“Well, it’s either us or Commander Krupp… If he even bothers to find you..” Harold said, as Sulu started turning on his laser eyes to cut the professor free.

Professor P opened his mouth to protest, but shut it again, knowing the boys were right. Heck, he shouldn’t have gone off alone anyways. He sighed, finally wiggling free from his snotty situation. 

“Welp, this outfit is gonna be ruined forever,” he said happily. “Ahem! Now, let me put some of this disgusting phlegm in my DNA-testing watch, and we can find out what we’re dealing with here…” the professor continued, doing just that. 

“Well? What’s it say?” George asked.

Professor P lowered his glasses. “I can’t believe it… The monster is-!”

Meanwhile, on the ceilings near our second scavenging group, the alleged monster was trying to hunt down their next victim. It was relatively easy, considering there was a very loud and boisterous man chit-chatting about ‘last night’s game’, who could practically be heard all throughout the ship. 

The Booger Boy waited until the perfect moment, and then he swooped down and grabbed the coach. 

“And THEN I said, ‘Right in the skujilies! And then HE said, ‘skujilies isn’t a real w-” Mr. Meaner cut short, becoming eerily silent. 

“...Mr. Meaner?” Krupp turned around, seeing that the coach was nowhere to be found.

“‘Ey.... Up here!” Mr. Meaner said happily, as the Booger Boy held the man in his hand.

“Whaddaya know… He really did work as bait,” Commander Krupp said, giggling. “Anyways, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!” He said, running away screaming. 

“No, no no no no-!” Edith sighed. She loved Krupp, but why did he have to be such a coward sometimes? Before he could get out of earshot, Edith quickly snapped a tentacle as Krupp spun back around with a silly grin on his face, unbuttoning just about everything on him. “TRA-LA-LAAAAAAAAAAA!” He yelled triumphantly, flying up to face the horrible monster. The Booger Boy roared at Captain Galaxypants, swiping another arm to try and catch him. Edith watched worriedly from the sidelines 

“I wonder why th’ monster looks so familiar…” She muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooo yep, booger boy chapters really starting to heat up... i'll be doing biweekly updates until chapter 16, then it'll be back to every saturday only.


	15. You put a little boogie in it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the booger boy gets bested! featuring annoying dances

“MELVIN?!” Harold and George yelled. 

“Yes, that horrible monster appears to be Melvin, somewhere on the inside of that horrible, gooey mess,” Professor P said matter-of-factly, adjusting his glasses. 

“We gotta save him!” Harold said.

“People could be in danger… And you care about saving the nerd boy who’s always tattled on you?!” the professor said in disbelief. 

“Well, we’ve known him since kindygarten… I wouldn’t exactly call us friends, but he’s pretty cool! Even if he always tattles on us, nobody deserves to be a weird booger monster!” George explained. 

“Sounds fake, but okay! Where were you miscreants headed anyways?” Professor P said. 

“The cafeteria, I think. It’s kind of a safe haven, yeah?” Harold said. “We need a snack break from all this monster-hunting stuff.” Sulu had snuck into the vents, closing them after him. Luckily, the cafeteria was just across the hall. 

The boys stood near the outside fruit displays Edith usually had set up, George shining an apple and harold trying to get the professor to eat a lemon. 

“First of all, NO. Second of all, after this we need to work on finding that Booger Boy.” Professor P said.

“Uh, Doc? I think we can cross one of those off our list…” Harold said, pointing to the cafeteria doors, who had just been thrust open by Captain Galaxypants giving chase to a figure on the ceiling. The figure, of course, was Booger Boy, who dropped down and morphed back into a humanoid form. It roared, and Mr. Meaner waved to the boys.

“George! Harold! Hey! … WHY AREN’T YOU TWO IN GYM CLASS RIGHT NOW?!” He yelled. George facepalmed. 

“HALT, ENEMY! AND PUT THE CITIZEN DOWN! “ Galaxypants yelled, as Booger Boy ignored his warnings and stepped towards the boys and the professor. The boys panicked, having left their laser cannons on a table in the cafeteria. They decided to pick a random fruit from the display carts, and chucked it as hard as their little arms would allow. Harold threw an apple, which Booger Boy ate, Professor P threw a pear, and George felt around and finally threw an orange. Booger Boy ate these two as well, but soon as he ate the orange, some of his side began to sizzle and dissolve. It shrieked, spitting the citrus out quickly. 

“Wait… That’s right! Oranges kill colds!” Harold yelled happily, but Booger Boy grabbed the orange cart and chucked it over his head. 

It stepped ever-closer, and the professor sighed. “Welp, that’s it. My will and testament is that everything gets locked up for nobody to use and a flaming bag of doggy doo-doo gets dropped on the DP board’s porch.” 

“YOO-HOOOOOO! BOOGER BOYYYYY!” Captain Galaxypants called out from across the room, and the Booger Boy reared its ugly head. The captain, with a flashlight illuminating his figure, was doing a rather stupid and annoying dance.

“Man… He even knows the Underpants Dance! That’s so cool!” George said happily.

“Boy, Krupp’s been reading our comics for a LOOONG time, huh?” Harold added, sitting back and watching the Captain do his thing. “There’s the Wedgie Wiggle… The Big-Butt Boogie… He’s pulling out all the stops, huh? Wonder why…”

Booger Boy had had enough. The dance was stupid, annoying, and especially, imacher. It charged, trying to quell the captain who stepped aside casually. He then pointed his flashlight downwards to reveal the monster had slid right into a puddle of orange juice. Edith giggled, waving amongst a pile of orange juice cartons as the Booger Boy shrieked, dissolving into near nothing and leaving only a coughing fourth-grader, soaking wet with orange juice. 

Then somebody threw popcorn at the screen. “BOOOOOOOOOO! Come ON! That was CHEATING!” Zorx yelled at the screen, throwing more popcorn at it and hissing. 

“Well, MAYBE we could have had a stronger monster if SOMEONE hadn’t been pointing the screen at the dweeb!” Klax passive-aggressively yelled, giving Jennifer the stinkeye. 

“OH, so now it’s MY fault, is it? You were totally not to blame for any of this?” Jennifer said, rolling her eyes. 

“Yes!” Klax replied.

“I was being sarcastic, you idiot.”

“Quit FIGHTING, both of you!” Zorx yelled angrily, bonking the aliens’ heads together as they both whimpered. “Besides, if the original monster was defeated, we still have plan B…”

“Oh! I get it! B for booger!” Jennifer exclaimed.

“NO, you DUNCE. B because it’s the next letter in the alphabet!” Klax snapped.

“Technically YOU’RE the dunce, since we don’t even use the alphabet…” Jennifer mused.

“Yeah.” Klax said, looking accusingly at the fanfic’s author, who shrugged.

“I swear, if this ship goes one minute without you two arguing, it’ll be too soon,” Zorx grumbled, throwing up diagnostics on the screen. “Well, no matter. I see a wormhole coming DANGEROUSLY close to their ship…” Zorx laughed, their spiteful siblings joining in. 

“Ugh… What happened?” Melvin said, now only in his jumpsuit since all his clothes were wet. 

“How do I put this nicely… You kinda turned into a gigantic booger monster,” George replied. 

“But, we saved you!” Harold added cheerfully. 

“You… Saved me? But I helped the professor to take over the ship… I’m always so mean to you guys…I can’t even laugh, which is what you two love the most…” Melvin muttered in confusion. 

“Yeah, but.. We’ve known you for so long! You’re pretty cool, in our books,” George said, helping Melvin up as he cracked a small smile. 

“Thanks… George. Harold.” Melvin whispered. “If there’s anything you need, just call me… I owe you one.”

The three kids walked back to Melvin’s room, laughing. 

“Why, Edith, that quick thinking of yours was simply phenomenal!” Captain Galaxypants complimented, as the cafeteria flickered back to life. “And look! The power’s back on!”

“Gosh, well… S’nothin’...” Edith said, blushing bashfully.

“Yeah. It’s nothing. I need to go spend a day at the spa now, because I have hideous booger all over my everything… Except my tracking cuffs, of COURSE,” Professor P said.

“‘Ey… Might need ta count one more for that spa day…” Mr. Meaner said, following behind the professor.   
“No. That’s weird. You’re weird,” Professor P hissed, speedwalking faster, but it seemed the coach was deadset on getting that spa day too. The professor groaned. 

Edith laughed. “Well… I better start cleanin’... Captain, could ya do me a solid and go splash yerself with water?” Edith said, grabbing a mop. 

Captain Galaxypants saluted happily, whisking out of the room. 

And everything was okay. Krupp was still shocked when he ended up somewhere naked, George and Harold showed Melvin where Sulu had been hidden the entire time, and Professor P was fairly certain that Mr. Meaner had eaten his cucumber slices while they were getting mud facials. 

It looked like nothing more ridiculous would ever slip into this fanfic…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH BUOY... going back to regular weekly updates after this because i am... running out of chapters in the queue


	16. The trouble with wormholes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They Came From The Purple Portal!

Oh, I was wrong. 

I was so, so wrong. 

Things are about to get crazy. 

It was another beautiful morning, and Melvin was video-chatting with the boys about how he had found Sulu in the vents and they had played together for a while.

“Alright, Melvin. See you later. We're sneaking out onto the balcony to see if we can get shaving cream on Krupp’s head,” George said, as Melvin folded his arms crossly. 

“Don't break… TOO many rules,” Melvin pouted, knowing full well it wouldn’t quell the boys. 

Meanwhile, as the boys made their way upstairs, Commander Krupp and Professor P were sitting in the commander’s office.   
“Kinda nice to hang out like this, huh? Even though it’s legally obligated… Right, Professor?” Krupp said, as Professor P remained silent. “...Professor?”

“Pippy.”

“Huh?” 

“You can just… call me Pippy. We are close enough, aren’t we?” the professor asked. 

Commander Krupp chuckled. “Pippy it is.”  
SPLAT! Unceremoniously, a great big dollop of shaving cream landed smack-dab in the middle of Commander krupp’s hat. You could almost hear steaming kettle noises coming from the red-faced Krupp as he started scaling the tunnel that led up to the sunroof opening.

“WOAH! Since when could he do THAT?!” George shrieked.

“He’s super-powered, remember? Quick! Run before he gets here!!” Harold yelled, running in place, as Krupp had- classically- grabbed both boys by their collars. 

“First of all, DETENTION! Second of all, WHAT are you doing here without an adult?! This place is DANGEROUS for you kids. Who knows what could be up here that our ship can't save you from?? Extraterrestrials, asteroids, rogue space pirates-”

“WORMHOLE!”

“YES! Especially wormholes! Those come without warning, and they can just SWOOP you up-!” Krupp finished, as the boys got swooped up by a wormhole. They screamed, George grabbing onto a rail for dear life, before it slipping his grip and both boys went spiralling into the wormhole, it closing in on itself with a nice Pop! And with that, two children who Krupp had known had been whisked away into the abyss of the unknown. The only thing Krupp could spit out at the time, really, was a shocked proclamation of “B-b-bub bubba hob-hob hobba wah- wah.”

“...............ey!................ight?...............eorge?” George groaned, hearing someone trying to get his attention. He was still dizzy and half-asleep, but he came to slowly to see… Krupp? But this Krupp was a bit different. He had on a white overcoat, had a noticeable lack of toupee, and was… smiling!

George groaned. “I must have hit my head harder than I thought…” 

Harold came up beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Weird, right? I woke up and this guy offered me some hot cocoa… We’ve been waiting for you to get up too.”  
The Krupp impostor laughed. “Oh, but poor George hasn’t gotten any yet! Come on, into my office. I just love having you two over for hot cocoa! But… You two always seem to spill it on me, it’s… very hot. But accidents happen! Now c’mon, before I eat all the marshmallows!” This...Nice Commander Krupp took them by the hands and led them downstairs with a spring in his step. 

On the way to the commander’s office, a boy who looked like Melvin but with slightly crossed eyes, an incorrectly-done bowtie, and bunny slippers tugged on Nice Krupp’s jacket.

“Aw, well, heya, Melvin! How are we doing today?” Nice Krupp said, ruffling the boy’s hair affectionately. 

“Good!-” The Melvin lookalike started, but as soon as he saw George and Harold, he hid in Nice Krupp’s overcoat, trembling. 

“Melvin…? What’s wrong? George and Harold are friends of mine! We’re helping them, remember?” Nice Krupp said sadly, comforting the boy.

“They’re scary. N’ evil,” Melvin whined, burying his face in the man’s coat. 

“There aren’t any evil people, Melvin… Everyone’s a good person on the inside!”

George looked at Harold. They were very confused. 

“Run along now, Melvin- I’m sure your parents are looking for you!” Nice Krupp finished, sending the boy on his way and waving goodbye. 

On the way to the office, they passed Communications Officer Anthrope, who gave them both big-sized candy bars. This was weird. The Anthrope THEY knew had 100-year-old black licorice on her desk, and that was IT. In the workout room, they saw Mr. Meaner, who was WAY more ripped than they were accustomed to. He gave a wave to Nice Krupp, and the leader of the exploration team (his face having been hidden by a punching bag in the way. Wonder who it is?) waved as well, before socking Mr. Meaner in the gut. 

“Ah, yes! Here we are! The office I share with Commander P!” Nice Krupp giggled innocently and sat the boys down. “I’ll be right back with some hot cocoa for the three of us!” 

Once he was gone, the boys finally had a moment to themselves. “Okay, hear me out. I know this might sound a bit crazy, but it’s the only explanation I can think of.” Harold said.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” George asked. 

“The wormhole brought us to a dimension…” Harold started.

“Where everything is opposite?” George finished, as Harold nodded. 

“So that means… Mr. Krupp is nice here, Melvin isn’t… the brightest candle on the menorah, and you and I are… evil?” Harold asked.

“That’s what I’d assume. Oh man, everyone thinks we’re evil here… Except Mr. Krupp,” George replied.

“Wonder what’s up with him?” Harold said.

Little did they know there was a pair of sneaky stowaways on the outer reaches of Krupp’s office. 

“Another dimension, hmm? Harold. We have GOT to get in on this somehow,” Evil George said giddily, shaking his companion.

“I know, I know! Just give me a minute, and we can work on a plan…” Evil Harold muttered. 

“So how are we supposed to get back home? We have no way of communicating…” Harold sighed. 

“Oh yes we do. We have Melvin’s number, remember? Here. I’ll call it right now,” George said, dialing the number on his holo-watch.

“Melvin Sneedly speaking, how may I- Woah… George? Harold? I thought you two were goners!” Melvin said happily, looking at his screen.

“Listen, Melvin. We got sucked into some sort of… backwards dimension. Can you build a dimensional transporter of some kind?” George asked, fluttering his eyelashes for effect.

“With the professor’s help I probably can. Looks like this dimension is right next to ours, which is why it’s so very similar. I’ll see you two in a day. For now, just… Try to survive. You don’t know what might be lurking around the corner… Melvin out,” he said, logging off. 

“A day?! George, we’re DEAD MEAT! There’s an entirely different pair of us’es roaming the ship! AND THEY’RE PROBABLY EVIL!!” Harold yelled.

“Now- Harold, calm down, I’m sure there isn’t anything too bad-”

“OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THEIR CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS HERE?!”

That was when George started to worry. 

When Nice Krupp came back around, he saw that the boys were grinning nervously as they accepted their hot cocoa. 

“Hey… Commander?” Harold asked after taking a sip of cocoa. 

“Yes?”

“There hasn’t been any, oh I don’t know… Superpowered men in the ship? Nobody’s said anything about any sightings?” George continued. 

“Not that I know of!” Krupp smiled giddily.

George and Harold looked at each other. Of course, a Krupp wouldn’t know a thing about a Galaxypants, but to have no other witness testimonials? Now that was strange. Something was definitely going on here. 

“Well, uh, Commander Krupp, it’s been nice, but we reeeeeeally gotta go. Important, uh, comic stuffs to do,” George said, putting the half-finished hot cocoa down.

“Aw… Okay. It’s been fun, boys!” Krupp said, waving to them as they ran out of the room. 

George and Harold ducked into a dimly-lit hallway, catching their breaths. They met eyes once more, and they knew they could agree on a common consensus- 

They needed answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOOOOO! friggin large popcorn! slurpy dammit! i'm ready! it's obvious to everyone who reads this fic that my tumblr url purplepottypeople is a pretty telltale sign of which charastcers in cu i love the most... which is why i'm so so excited to finally be sharing there!! baww but i have to go back to regular old saturday updates and no wednesdays since chapters are running low


	17. It's gonna get weird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow, that sure was a quick arc! glad the purple potty people are stuck in their own dimension!

The two boys were about to embark on their hunt for answers, when Harold’s foot made the familiar crunch of stepping on pieces of paper stapled together. They gasped, Harold reading aloud the title of the calamitous comic… 

 

“The Preposterous Plight Of Captain Blackholepants…”

 

George and Harold looked at each other in alarm.

 

They had found this world’s Captain.

 

And it wasn’t looking good. 

 

The comic displayed an origin story incredibly similar to their own- with a few mirroring elements. Evil George and Evil Harold, who were tired of their sickly-sweet commander, had hypnotized him into becoming the most diabolical supervillain and bounty hunter of all time, Captain Blackholepants. The three of them stole everything on the ship and had it all to themselves, where they transformed Evil George and Harold’s rooms into an evil lair. Harold finally flipped to the last page of the comic and lowered it, only to find a gun of some sorts being directly aimed at his face. The one behind the gun was Harold- except he had on George’s outfit.

 

Busted.

 

Meanwhile, in another dimension… Melvin and Professor P were hard at work.

 

Krupp was helping too.

 

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, WE ARE SO DEAD.”

 

“Correction- YOU are so dead. Me and Melvin are gonna get off scot-free,” Professor P said smugly. 

 

“Would you rather have another commander, idiot?!” Krupp hissed. 

 

“...Maybe so,” the professor mocked. 

 

“Whatever. Melvin, you're doing great. Pippy, shut up.”

 

“Wow. I feel so encouraged. Thank you for all the moral support,” Professor P said sarcastically. 

 

“You’re welcome,” Commander Krupp said, completely 100% unironically. Professor P rolled his eyes at that. 

 

“How are we doing on those parts, anyways? I asked you to order some from DP,” the professor continued. 

 

“You say that as if two children have not just gone missing and going to DP would not be a death wish.” 

 

“Just phone the delivery line, there’s some intern on it most of the time. You don’t have to tell them anything.”

 

Krupp rolled his eyes and phoned the line, starting to talk to what looked like a very flustered young woman with long brown hair in a ponytail. 

 

“See? Told you it wasn’t hard. Wuss,” Professor P, oiling up a bolt or two.

 

“Parts’ll be here in fifteen minutes, so quit your whining,” Krupp said.

 

“Will you two stop bickering for a minute?!” Melvin yelled.

 

“Melvin, we weren’t bickering,” Professor P assured, but once it came out of his mouth, he thought to himself. Were they really not bickering? Had this become some sort of weird friendship between the two of them? “...No, you’re totally right, we were definitely bickering and nothing else.”

 

Melvin huffed and continued to work in silence. 

 

“So, admirers of our comic, huh? Didn’t expect that from a bunch of goodie-goodies,” Evil Harold said, poking Harold in the schnoz with the gun. 

 

“What even IS that thing?” George asked, as Evil George pointed one on him too. 

 

“Freeze ray. So DON’T try anything funny,” Evil George huffed. 

 

“Ew, we don’t like your comics! They have some words spelled wrong and the art is ugly!” Harold spat. 

 

“Ooooh, you little brats are LUCKY the old man just went to a meeting…” Evil Harold scowled. 

 

“Dude, we’re the same age,” George said. 

 

“Well, I mean, technically, I’m the older one-” 

 

“YOU STAY OUT OF THIS HAROLD!” 

 

Evil Harold took a deep breath and exhaled, lowering he and George’s guns. “Wait a minute, George… We might be able to learn something from these schmucks! Hey, you! Schmucks! Come with us. We want to know more about your stupid dimension,” Evil Harold said, Evil George making a beckoning motion with his hand. 

 

“...Do we have a choice?” Harold asked.

 

“Not really, no,” Evil George replied. The boys shrugged and went on their way, following their treacherous twins. 

 

“I’m assuming the old man skipped the cafeteria. What’s yours like?” Evil Harold asked. 

 

George shuddered. “Let’s just say it’s a good thing Edith came and she can cook.” 

 

The mention of a putrid cafeteria brought sinister smiles to the evil boys’ faces.

 

The boys peered into the cafeteria, seeing all sorts of people they never thought they would. Dr. Diaper was all the way up at the front, ordering food, which was gladly being served to him by Zorx, Klax and Jennifer. This place really was backwards… Edith was nowhere to be seen!

 

“How about the Sneedly? I’m sure you’ve noticed ours is an idiot,” Evil George sneered, rolling his eyes. 

 

“He’s a genius. Doesn’t take one to figure that out, I don’t think,” Harold replied.

 

“Now let us ask YOU a question- where’d you get those guns?!” George asked skeptically. 

 

“Simple. Commander P made ‘em,” Evil Harold said.

 

“Woah… He’s still evil here?” Harold asked.

 

“Nah. He’s a wuss. Just like everyone else on this STUPID ship. Luckily, we have them alllll under our thumb,” Evil George said, cackling evilly. 

 

George and Harold looked at each other nervously. 

 

“What, don’t believe us? If someone doesn’t give us what we want, we get our minion, Captain Blackholepants, to give them a little… Gentle persuasion,” Evil Harold said. 

 

The boys gulped, as Evil Harold scoffed. “Come on. We’ve still got our little ‘tour’ to go on, after all.” 

 

The evil boys were striding confidently down a corridor, unbeknownst to them that their twins had slowly but surely been trailing behind, to the point where they had become out of earshot. Quickly, George opened his holo-watch. 

 

“Melvin! How’s the portal going?”

 

“Excellent. Since Professor P is helping me, we’ve successfully almost finished it. I do warn you though, it is unstable. As of late, we cannot figure out a way to close it for good. It can only be shut manually, like… a door, per se. So do make sure nobody is around. Melvin, signing off,” Melvin said, doing just that.

 

A few seconds passed, and a glowing purple portal slowly opened. The boys grinned, looking around to make sure nobody was there, then linked arms and jumped into it. 

 

“Pineapple does NOT belong on pizza, you BARBARIANS!- Oh. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum have returned from the unknown, I see,” Professor P said sarcastically. 

 

“I’M NOT DEAD!!!” Commander Krupp yelled, grabbing Professor P by the arms and twirling him around the balcony excitedly. 

 

“YEAH, BUT YOU WILL BE IF YOU DON’T LET ME GO!” the professor shrieked. 

 

The boys gave sheepish waves, and Melvin gave a nod of greeting, stepping past the boys to take a look at the portal. He pressed a button, and the portal seemed to slide closed, as if it were getting blocked by elevator doors. 

 

“Nobody saw you, so this portal is sure to remain a mystery forever,” he said. 

 

“Yep! This certainly was our shortest adventure yet!” George said happily, not jinxing it at all. 

 

“Oh, DEFINITELY! Glad it’s so totally over now, though!” Harold added, really truly not jinxing it whatsoever. 

 

“We’ll have to hide that thing away, in case some… joker gets some ideas. I'm putting this in my safe,” Commander Krupp announced, grabbing the device and marching downstairs.

 

Melvin started blubbering in alarm. “Ah- Sir!! Do be careful- Oh… Oh my..”

 

“It's okay, kiddo. I'll make sure the idiot doesn't crush it with his big meaty hands,” Professor P said, ruffling the boy’s hair and following the commander.

 

The boys laughed, and everyone headed downstairs.

 

But, unfortunately, dear readers, this is not where our story ends. 

 

As one would expect, the boys definitely did jinx it and, unbeknownst to them, their exit was seen by two pairs of snooping eyes. 

 

“Why… Those little BRATS! They think they can escape us!” Evil Harold shrieked. 

 

“But… Harold, how are we supposed to get there? The portal’s gone for good,” Evil George said sadly. 

 

“Gosh, you're right… that wimpy Commander P could probably build us one, but how would we…”

 

Bump.

 

“Oh! Dreadfully sorry, boys! I can be such a klutz sometimes, hehe…” Nice Krupp apologized, stepping out of the boys’ way. 

 

The evil boys looked at each other, wicked grins spreading across their faces. Evil Harold pulled out a squirting water bottle he always had on hand. 

 

“Oh, Commander?~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writers block still going strong... but hey at least I have these queued chapters right?


	18. It's like you're my mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out some more about the nefarious Purple Portal People

“So then we saw Melvin! But he was dumber than usual…” George said, Harold nodding aggressively as the two of them recounted to Edith the story. 

“Hm… Don’t mean to be a bother, but I’ve GOT to know… What was I like in there?” she asked, hopping excitedly.

“Well… We didn’t see you there, oddly enough. But we did see those 3 other siblings!” Harold replied. 

“Oh… S’pose I should’ve expected that… Opposite dimension n’ all.”

“That place was really scary… I wonder what Ms. Ribble’s purple portal self was!” Harold said, picking up a stray sheet of paper and starting to doodle a so-called ‘Nice Ms. Ribble’. 

“Ooh! Ooh! Make her glasses tilt downwards instead”! George said. Harold laughed and did just that. 

“Well, boys, best I start gettin’ some grub goin’. Y’all are welcome to stay here if y’like,” Edith said. She got up, slipping on her rubber gloves, and grabbed a bowl. 

Professor P grabbed another bowl of ice cream. 

“You can’t seriously be eating that much, can you?” Commander Krupp asked accusingly, staring daggers into the lump of gelato. 

“If you wanted me to stop you should have said so, idiot. Now I’ve got ice cream I gotta eat… Nullifying your point,” the professor replied smugly, eating a spoonful. 

Commander Krupp rolled his eyes and turned on the TV. “You’re impossible.”

“Do you not pay for cosmo-cable anymore?! This is all trash TV,” Professor P said, as the commander channel-surfed. 

“Power outage ruined my plan. We gotta wait a month ‘til we get the good channels back. For now we’re stuck with this,” Commander Krupp shrugged, as Pippy let out an overdramatic groan. 

“Welcome back, darlings, to your fortune of the week…” A crackpot psychic with brown hair and weird planet earrings spoke, on a TV show. 

“Hold it! Let’s watch this one, ya? Fake fortunes are always so funny!” Professor P said, holding his hand out to stop the channel switch. Commander Krupp cocked an eyebrow but- eventually- obliged. 

“My name is Preston Happ, and I am here to deliver! Hmmmm….. This week’s last name initial is K. If your last name begins with a K, you best listen up!” The ‘psychic’ said, causing the professor to guffaw loudly. 

“Oh! Commander! That’s you! Better listen close!” Pippy said, wiping a tear of laughter from his eye. 

Commander Krupp nearly rolled his eyes back into his head, but he couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at that. 

“Mmmmmmmm… You best be careful, K.... In your future I see… doppelgangers…. Overpowering all you know and love… You must seek out something you have that they do not…” Preston stopped for a second, gazing at an offscreen teleprompter whispering to him to throw in something for good ratings. “Also you’ll be lucky in love.”

Professor P nearly fell off the bed laughing, as the broadcast ended and moved on to another nonsense show. 

“That was… Oddly specific… Didn’t the boys mention something about doppelgangers? This schmuck could actually be telling the truth,” Commander Krupp said worriedly. 

“You never struck me as the superstitious type. Do you seriously believe this junk? It’s not like in an alternate dimension as we speak, our evil twins are preparing to invade our world and take over our- er, your ship!” 

Meanwhile, in an alternate dimension as they spoke, their evil twins were preparing to invade their world and take over their ship. 

Commander P was busy tack-tack-tacking away on a holographic keyboard to notice two kids and a larger man enter the room. He did notice, however, when he felt a sharp pain around his mouth. Someone was swiftly typing a bandana around his mouth, preventing him from speaking, and grabbed his hands, holding them behind his back in what appeared to be- cruelly- an invention of his own kind- plasma cuffs. 

“Why, hello there, Commander P! You weren’t busy at all, were you?” Evil Harold asked mockingly, as Commander P shouted something. “What? Sorry, I can’t hear you. You’ve got something in your mouth!” Evil Harold cackled, Evil George joining him. Commander P narrowed his eyes- whoever this perp was, he was sure he could take him. For the good of the ship, he had to. He kicked the mystery man’s legs with a thump but it had little effect. The commander turned his head best he could and gasped when he saw the face of the man who was holding him. 

It was only the most vile, corrupt, ruthless and malignant bounty hunter this side of the galaxy. A heart as cold as ice and dark as a black hole. The man who had the highest reward placed above his head since the serial planet-destroyer. 

Captain Blackholepants.

The calamitous captain simply snarled in response to the commander looking back at him, as Evil Harold grabbed his cheeks and yanked his head back in the boy's’ direction. 

“Don’t you know it’s rude not to look at someone when they’re talking to you?” Evil Harold said. 

“Yeah! It’s also pretty rude to try attacking our super-powered slave! Is this any way to treat your guests?” Evil George protested, the two boys snickering and waggling their fingers at the commander condescendingly. 

“Now- You ready to negotiate with us, or not?” Evil Harold said, slowly lowering the bandana that prevented Commander P from speaking. 

“-Dirty! You’re all low-down and horrible! I’ll n-never work for you! This is the last straw!” Commander P spat out, trembling. 

“We never said we wanted you to WORK for us, old man… We just need a small favour, is all!” Evil George replied, batting his eyelashes. 

“That’s basically the same thing with you cretins! I won’t do it!” Commander P yelled. 

“Fair enough. Captain, you know what to do,” Evil Harold said, nodding at Captain Blackholepants, who grinned, slowly starting to twist Commander P’s arm. 

“Y-you’re pathetic. You think a broken arm- ow- is really gonna make me want to help you?” the commander chuckled, wincing through the pain but showing no signs of giving in. 

“You have a point, old man…” Evil George said, looking at Evil Harold in sadness. 

“Yes… Now can you please let me go so we can talk this out?” Commander P asked.

“Captain!” Evil Harold shouted in a commanding voice. “Drop the wimpy commander and go grab the communications officer!” 

“Yes, masters!” Captain Blackholepants saluted, quite literally dropping the commander on the floor, yanking out the plasma cuffs and zooming out the door to find the unlucky lady with a triumphant “LA LA TRAAAAAAAAAAA!” 

“What…? What are you two planning…” Commander P muttered, as the evil boys held hands and snickered, waiting for their villain to return. 

“Masters! I have brought back the communications-person. What am I to do with her?” Captain Blackholepants proclaimed gruffly, pulling a struggling Communications Officer Anthrope in with him. 

“Hm… Dump her in the vat of toxic waste Commander P always disguises as a barrel of wine,” Evil George said, pointing at said barrel in the room. 

Captain Blackholepants nodded, growling and tugging the woman once again. 

“NO!!” Commander P shrieked, holding out a hand to stop them. “Y-you can… Hurt me all you want… But I won’t let you hurt my passengers. Let her GO,” He said firmly, standing up and stomping his foot firmly on the ground. 

“Thank you for being SO cooperative, Commander… You heard him, Captain. Let her go,” Evil Harold said. 

The conniving captain did as they said, growling at the communications officer which sent her off shrieking. The boys weren’t worried about her calling the Galactic Police. They had the entire ship at their mercy, after all. 

“What we want is simple. Build us a portal to the next dimension over. We’re going on a raid. When we get back, we want that portal DONE. GOT THAT?!” Evil Harold said, prodding a finger into Commander P’s stomach. The commander nodded sadly.

“Excellent. We’ll be on our way then,” Evil George said, backing out of the room. Evil Harold clapped, and Captain Blackholepants started backing out of the room too. He spun around backwards, moonwalking out of the room and making an ‘I’m-watching-you’ gesture at the commander. He then bumped into a wall. Then he tried again and successfully backed out of the room. But not before making the gesture one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!~ sorry bout no chapter last week, it was my birthday(!!) we're in the home stretchn now, ive decided to end galaxypants after the events of book 8


	19. My mirror staring back at me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more hurgusburgus with the ppp

“George! Harold! Sir! Professor! Come to the warehouse, quick- It’s urgent!” Melvin quickly sent out a holo-transmission, tapping fiercely on his holo-keyboard while it was sending. 

The boys came first- as they were the closest to the warehouse. They kicked open a vent. 

“Melvin! We got the transmission! What’s up?” George said, dusting himself off. 

Commander Krupp and Professor P rushed in as well, as Melvin signalled everyone to gather ‘round. His holo-screen grew to the size of a projection in a school classroom might, as there was a variation on an infrared sensor of some kind displayed on the screen. 

“See this? This is where our purple portal is. It’s closed, and there’s little to no dimensional energy coming from it. But… If I zoom in to the abandoned old storage room… There’s definitely SOMETHING going on here. I’m thinking it’s either test fires or leftover energy from our portal… But either way a dimensional gateway is going to be opened. We need to act FAST,” Melvin explained. 

“Stopping a dimensional gate from the visiting dimension? Fat chance. Melvin, I-” Professor P’s snide comment was interrupted. 

“We’re not going to block them- We’re going to fight them,” Melvin said. “There are some old laser guns in that crate over there- I’ve chosen out a few that I think might fit you all.”

The gang rushed to the crate, where each picked out a respective gun. George got a gun with green and white stripes, Harold got a super-tiny one, Krupp got one with red and yellow stripes, and Pippy held an enormous gatling gun that was 3 times his size. 

“Now- Pippy- You’re absolutely SURE that these guns are in the right places?” Commander Krupp asked. 

“Yep,” Professor P wheezed, trying to lift up the gatling gun. Krupp rolled his eyes and grabbed it effortlessly, yanking the gun Harold had in his hands and presenting it to the professor. They all began to grab their respective guns.

Melvin rolled his eyes. “Took you long enough.” He slung a sniper rifle over his shoulder. “Now let’s go beat some baddies.” 

The group waited ever-so-patiently in the old storage room, Melvin using the tracker to see how much time they had left. 

“Okay… The energy is growing stronger… No- weaker…. Oh? Stronger again… Weaker…” This continued on for about 10 minutes. 

Melvin gasped. 

“Melvin? What’s up? Harold said, turning around to look at the ginger. In reply, Melvin grew the screen again and pointed to the cockpit, where a sudden burst of dimensional energy appeared. 

“We’ve been duped.”

“Oh my God- EVERYTHING is in the cockpit! Hurry! HURRY!!” George said, grabbing Harold by the hand and tugging him. 

“Pshaw, the alarm’ll catch them. Anyone who isn’t me can’t provide my DNA samples!” Commander Krupp said smugly. 

“But they’re with the purple portal version of you!” The boys yelled in unison. 

“Oh, sh-”

“-SHIP! THIS IS THEIR SHIP, GEORGE! WE DID IT!” Evil Harold proclaimed triumphantly. 

“UNAUTHORIZED PRESENCE DETECTED. CLIENT BENJAMIN KRUPP, PLEASE PROVIDE DNA SAMPLES,” A robotic voice echoed through the cockpit. 

“Wow! They have a security system here! People must be really untrustworthy!” Evil George gasped in delight, as claws descended from the ceiling and had several different labelled DNA tests attached to them. 

“Well? Get to it, Captain Blackholepants!” Evil Harold said, lightly thumping the villain on the arm, who got straight to work doing a bunch of gross DNA tests that are honestly pretty boring to read through, so I’ll spare you the details. He then gave the machine a good hard smack, which recalibrated the thing surprisingly decently. 

“Hey! Stop right there!” George shouted, barreling into the cockpit after Krupp had pressed his thumb to it. 

Evil Harold rolled his eyes. “What are you gonna do? Lecture us to death?”

“No,” said Harold, readying his laser gun. “We’re gonna-” 

Just then, the automated security system’s claws pried everyone’s guns out of their hands and threw them in a storage bin, which promptly locked. 

“...Stupid secondhand security systems,” Krupp grumbled. 

George gave a sharp inhale. “Well, to stop a supervillain- We’re gonna need a superhero.”  
He snapped his fingers, and the commander yelped, ridding himself of his clothes in a rush and grinning. He let out his classic heroic cry, and the boys looked back at their evil twins triumphantly. Wait. Were they… Covering Blackholepants’ ears…? No. Couldn’t be. 

“Oh? Chums! Who might these new friends be?” Captain Galaxypants said, walking up to the brutish Captain Blackholepants and co. and inspecting them.   
“...Captain no. They’re trying to take over the ship,” Harold groaned. 

“Oh! Fear not, co-pilots! I will defeat these menaces then!” 

Evil George and Harold backed away from the cheerful captain and pointed at him. In unison, they shouted “DESTROY HIM, CAPTAIN BLACKHOLEPANTS!” 

“Yes, sirs! PREPARE TO BE PULVERIZED, CAPTAIN FALLACYPANTS!” Captain Blackholepants said, zooming up into the air, as Captain Galaxypants followed suit. He rolled his arm a few times, winding up for a killer haymaker. He charged towards his fearsome foe, but his fist hit nothing. A blinking noise echoed through the cockpit as the villain appeared behind the captain.

“What’s the matter, Captain? Can’t land a punch?~” Captain Blackholepants teased, giving a sharp-toothed grin and another haughty laugh. 

Captain Galaxypants stared at Captain Blackholepants, awe-struck, as he was still flying and ran into a wall. 

“Woah… What?? Super power juice gives you teleporting powers?!” Harold said skeptically. 

“No super power juice I know of. See that on his belt? That’s a teleporter if I ever saw one. I made one myself back when I was commander,” Professor P said, pointing to a belt around Blackholepants’ waist, with a glowing circular disc attached to the middle. 

“Haw haw- Right you are, old man! Took you long enough!” Evil George said condescendingly. 

“You didn’t SERIOUSLY think we’d venture into a new dimension unprepared, did you? We had our guinea pig, Commander P, stock our villain up with only the coolest of gadgets!” Evil Harold added, laughing evilly.

Captain Galaxypants kept trying to hit his foe, who kept teleporting out of the way mockingly. 

“Evil WILL prevail!” Captain Blackholepants shouted proudly, blinking in and out of the plane as his evil masters cheered him on.

Melvin winced as he noticed Captain Blackholepants had some metal casing around his arms. He and the professor couldn’t help but list all the inventions off. 

“Plasma gauntlets…”

“Yup… Is that an antimatter rapier I see back there?” 

“Uh-huh. Automated regeneration pack in the back there…”

“IN ENGLISH, PLEASE??” Harold loudly interrupted.

“Captain Galaxypants is getting beaten to death and we’ve done nothing!” George yelled.   
“What CAN we do? Melvin and I are wimps- no offense Melvin-, you two wouldn’t last a SECOND against that Blackholepants, and third of all I HATE YOU ALL!!” Professor P shrieked in reply. 

The boys and even Melvin went awkwardly silent. The professor was right. Suddenly, the silence was broken by a miniscule sonic boom. The crew winced and held their ears as they watched in horror at what caused it. 

“Face it, Galaxypants- I’ll ALWAYS be better than you.”

Captain Blackholepants had thrown Captain Galaxypants so hard and fast, it nearly broke the sound barrier. The Captain crashed into the wall, and groaned loudly. 

“Oh man… Captain! Are you okay?!” George asked.

Captain Galaxypants got up and laughed weakly, holding a black eye and nursing his headache.   
“Mommy…. My train went swimming in the piano....” He said, before falling unconscious again. 

The boys were still trying to get Galaxypants up, as Melvin tugged on Harold’s sleeve and pointed behind him.

There were Evil George and Harold, the stolen laser guns pointed right at them, and the villainous Captain Blackholepants towering over them, grin as wide as a crocodile’s and so evil the boogeyman would take off running. 

“Game over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man, only a few more chapters than galaxypants'll be over...


	20. Jailhouse Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looks like the gang's in a bit of a pickle!

Captain Blackholepants yanked up Professor P and Melvin by their collars in one hand, grabbing the comatose captain with the other. Evil George and Harold pointed their guns at George and Harold. 

“Hey, hey, HEY! Hands off the merchandise, you idiot!” Professor P yelled, clawing at Captain Blackholepants, who simply flared his nostrils and held onto the professor even harder. 

“You’re our PRISONERS now. We can do whatever we want with you. Now MARCH!” Evil George yelled, George and Harold quickly shuffling off to the holding cell they were supposed to be in. 

“Throw them in that one, Blackholepants. And make it snappy. We’ve got work to do. Prisoners, you’re STAYING there unless you give us all your cool gadgets,” Evil Harold said, pointing at one of the cells. Captain Blackholepants followed suit, throwing the prisoners he had in his hands there, as George and Harold filed in as well. 

“Have a miserable stay,” Captain Blackholepants said maliciously, slamming the door and turning around to escort his evil masters back to the cockpit. 

“Welp- At least now I can cross something off my bucket list,” George said.

“And what, may I ask, would THAT be?” Professor P said dryly. 

George took out a harmonica and leaned on the wall, starting to play a sad prison tune. 

“OH MY GOD,” Professor P groaned, slamming his head against the wall. 

“Hey, it’s not all bad. I could be playing kazoo,” George said. 

“Actually, I think I might have one right he-” Harold said, lifting his hand. 

Melvin reached over and slowly lowered it. 

“That’s fair,” Harold said. 

“Well, this arrangement isn’t much different to my regular life nowadays… Prisoner, stuck with two bratty kids, a genius- no offense Melvin- and an idiotic man who…” Professor P squinted at Captain Galaxypants, who was still KO’ed on the ground. 

“Say… You never did explain to me the reason why in the heck… the commander seems so eager to strip down to his undergarments and call himself a ‘superhero’,” Professor P finished. 

“Oh… It’s nothing!” Harold said nervously. 

The professor looked up dryly. “I have literally the lowest status on this ship. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing to lose by telling me.”

George sighed. “Fine… We accidentally fired a thousand-year-old gun on him, which then led to a domino-effect of events and now he’s hypnotized into thinking he’s our comic-book superhero Captain Galaxypants whenever you snap your fingers. Also if you splash him he turns back into Krupp.”

Professor P was silent for a few seconds, before bursting into whooping fits of laughter.

“OH MY GOD- THAT OLD GUN! YOU ACTUALLY GOT IT TO WORK?! THIS BONEHEAD’S BEEN TRYING FOR NEARLY 3 YEARS! AND- OH- AND CAPTAIN- GALAXYPANTS! OH, THIS IS RICH!”

“Yeah… Even though he’s pretty silly, he’s got actual powers, which is… y’know, nice, when diabolical doppelgangers want to take over your ship,” Harold said. 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, Professor, but this does not seem like usual behavior classified as ‘hatred’,” Melvin said quietly.

“...Shut up, Melvin,” Professor P said, obviously in denial.

Just then, Commander Krupp awoke screaming.

“WHY AM I NEARLY NAKED AGAIN? WHY ARE WE IN A JAIL CELL? WHAT’S WITH THIS BLACK EYE! PIPPY, WHAT DID YOU DO?!” 

George hushed him. “We’ll- we’ll explain everything later! Long story short, the purple portal people got the beatdown on us, and now we’re prisoners!”

Commander Krupp sighed pensively, untying his ‘cape’ and draping his jacket around his shoulders. 

Everyone else joined in, fearing they were stuck for good. They could escape the cell easily, sure, but what was the use when a power-hungry supervillain would punch them into next week?

“WAIT! COMMANDER!” Professor P yelled, jumping up.

“What? What is it?” Krupp said in a panic.

“That garbage horoscope! The doppelgangers! We gotta find something we have that they don’t!”

“Yes!” Commander Krupp cheered. 

“Pardon, but they seem to have about five times more things than we do. How are we supposed to pull this off?” Melvin asked. 

Everyone drooped down again, as once more, logic had seemed to win the day. 

“Wait… Boys, do you know how to run a ship? Like, at all?” Commander Krupp asked.

“...Why would you ask us that? We literally just flunked a math test last week,” George said.

“Me too,” Harold added.

“Exactly! You boys definitely can NOT run a ship like that, especially not being the horrid little troublemakers you are. So…” Commander Krupp was making a continuing gesture with his hands, urging the gang to finish his thought.

“...So the evil ones must be naive little kids too! Their idiot villain must not know how to run anything, considering what I’ve seen of Galaxypants… That’s it! We outsmart them!” Pippy finished.

“But how do we do that? NOT flunking a math test?” Melvin asked. 

“Simple,” Professor P replied, beckoning everyone to join a football huddle as he told them his plan. 

 

“...And all your candy on the ship belongs to us!” Evil Harold announced proudly into the PA.

“New commanders! We’ve come to give ourselves up!” Commander Krupp said loudly, being followed in by the rest of the gang.

Evil George cocked an eyebrow, rotating around in his massive rotating chair as Evil Harold did the same. 

“Well, that wasn’t very long at all,” Evil Harold remarked snidely, getting out of his chair and walking to the group with Evil George. “Well? What have you got to offer?”

“Tons of cool inventions of mine, original patents… like this one, for example. First one’s on the house, “Professor P said, attempting to hand a small orb to Evil Harold.

Evil George smacked it aside. “Yeah- Nice try. We can tell that’s a self-expanding cage, you idiots.”

Professor P gulped. 

“Now, you’re going to pay for trying to double-cross us! CAPTAIN BLACKHOLEPANTS, DESTROY THEM!” Evil Harold yelled. 

“Your wish is my command, masters!” Captain Blackholepants said, fierce as ever, as he stepped towards the gang and started charging up a HUGE and most definitely FATAL plasma ball to shoot out of his gauntlets. It grew and grew, until it was the size of a boulder. Captain Blackholepants let out a mighty laugh- the boys feared it would be the last one they ever heard- and tossed the-!

The plasma ball fluctuated and shrank, before finally fizzling out entirely. Captain Blackholepants stared at the gauntlets in confusion. 

“What did you DO, Blackholepants?! Try again, you idiot! KILL THEM!” Evil George yelled angrily, kicking Captain Blackholepants in the shin. He winced, trying again but nothing coming out. He tried shooting from his other weapons, or even teleporting away, but they all glitched and eventually fizzled out. 

Suddenly, the cockpit’s display TV screen switched on, and a booming voice spoke out. 

“Having technology problems, boys…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS ALMOST DONE, man its gonna be weird not updating every saturday


	21. Crime and punish-Pip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Purple Portal people get sent back home.

The figure who appeared on the screen was a menacing silhouette, with two horn-like objects protruding from its head. 

“OH MY GOD. IT’S THE DEVI-” Harold screamed. 

“IT IS NOT, YOU IDIOT!” Professor P yelled, slapping a hand over Harold’s mouth in irritation.

The silhouette skulked forward, grinning and waving to the evil boys.

“COMMANDER P?!” They yelled in irritation, as Captain Blackholepants growled.

“Yes, boys, it’s me. That ‘wimpy commander’ who you weaseled into making you weapons of mass torture! But not this time. You’ve terrorized our ship long enough. I’m NOT about to let you horrible people terrorize this one!” Commander P said triumphantly. “I’m smarter than you give me credit for, y’know. Disabling technology from across dimensions isn’t easy. And I even recalibrated this Commander Krupp’s security system back for him!”

Everyone stared at Commander P in silence.

“...Where’s my thank-you? I’m waiting!”

The gang quickly muttered some awkward thanks as George and Harold grinned and snapped their fingers, ready to get Captain Galaxypants back in action. 

The boys noticed their evil twins’ faces shoot up in alarm, as they quickly clambered onto Blackholepants to- cover his ears again? But it was too late, and Captain Blackholepants’ sinister snarl dropped before getting tweaked back into a goofy grin that Nice Krupp had sported.

“Why, hello boys~! My, did our ship get renovated? It looks different!” Nice Krupp said, marvelling at the interior. 

“Wait… seriously? We just had to snap our fingers to defeat him?” George said. 

Harold smacked his hand to his forehead. “Opposite dimensions…”

Captain Galaxypants proudly flew up with a lasso, and then threw it around the terrible trio, tying them up. 

Professor P had already gone and collected the purple portal Krupp had put in his safe. 

“When you boys get home, you’re going to be in a HEAP of trouble… I’ll have those nice boys George and Harold explain everything to me. I swear, we’ll-” Commander P started lecturing, appearing on the screen again after the connection had cut out for a bit.

“We’ll find a way to rehabilitate them!” Nice Krupp said happily.

“-Yes, that too I suppose, but first things first I’m confiscating all your inventions you’ve stolen from me! For that matter, everything else you stole!” 

The evil boys grabbed each others’ hands in a panic. For once, they actually looked like the scared little boys they really were on the inside… 

George sighed. “Captain… Let the boys go for a second. We gotta talk. In private,” he said, shooing everyone away as Galaxypants unwound the rope. 

Evil George immediately tried to make a run for it, but the door was sealed tightly. He sighed and walked back to Evil Harold, who had been staring desperately at the boys the entire time. When he spoke, it was quiet- not like the snide, cocky voices they had when doing evil or the big, booming voices they used to push Captain Blackholepants around. It was soft, mumbling, like Harold’s had been before he made friends with George. He muttered something.

“...What?” Harold said.

“...Please don’t tell him about who Captain Blackholepants really is…” Evil Harold said at last. 

“But he’s a supervillain! You guys have been stealing stuff across the entire ship back home!” George sputtered. 

“Yeah, but… He’s the only one who’s really ever understood us…” Evil George added.

“Have you ever considered that maybe that’s because Commander Krupp cares about you too? He really does want to help you, we’ve seen it. You’ve just gotta tell him how…” Harold assured, patting his doppelganger on his back. 

“But you’re still gonna tell Commander P and then he’s gonna do a super power juice-ectomy and then de-hypnotize him and then we’ll lose the only friend we’ve ever had-!” Evil Harold sputtered, nearly crying.

“Relax, relax. Your secret’s safe with us. We’ve got one too, after all,” George said. “Just… Ix-nay on the stealing and crime and- try to give your commander a chance?”

Evil Harold sniffed, covering his head in his hands, before cocking his head up snidely all of a sudden. 

“No promises. We steal whatever we want. And FINE.”

Him and Evil George blew raspberries, seemingly returning to their strong evil facade, but allowed themselves to get walked outside, where the rest of the crew waited with an open purple portal. 

“Hey, Harold… You think that we need to give our commander a chance too? They ARE our doubles, after all…” George said

“Nope!” Harold said happily, and that was that.

“Come on, boys… Time to go home. We’ve had a long day,” Nice Krupp smiled, patting each one on the back as they silently held his hands and walked through the portal together. 

They would deny it profusely if asked, but if one looked hard enough, the evil boys were smiling.   
The gang waved a last goodbye to the Purple Portal People, and they slipped away and the portal closed without a trace-

“BOOOOOOOOOO!”

WHAP.

A PROBLEM HAS BEEN DETECTED AND XINDOWS HAS SHUT DOWN TO PROTECT YOUR COMPUTER. 

“Oh my GOD, Zorx. We were watching that and you just threw your entire nacho bowl at it and- LOOK!!!” Klax shrieked angrily, gesturing wildly to the now-broken viewing screen. 

“I don’t CARE. That was a TOTAL waste! We find literally the most evil villain and bounty hunter of our time from another galaxy- AND HE ANSWERS TO TWO SOFT LITTLE KIDDIES! THIS IS GARBAGE!!” Zorx was about to toss Klax’ nacho bowl at the screen before Jennifer lowered her hand. 

“Well, what about plan C-”

“There IS no plan C, Jennifer! I’m tired. I’m cranky. And MOST of all, I’m SICK of Zorx using the hot water all the time! Forget Gurx, we’re going HOME!” Klax announced, putting their spaceship into overdrive.

It was later in the evening now, and Melvin, George and Harold were sitting in the cafeteria, Edith joining them. 

“Well, I’m glad that’s over for real now. No more doppelgangers for me, thanks!” George laughed. 

Melvin shrugged. “It did teach me a lot about dimensional physics, which was nice.”

Edith laughed. “Always lookin’ on the bright side, huh, Melvin…”

Soon enough, Commander Krupp and Professor P came to join them, laughing. 

“...Commander?” Harold looked at Krupp funnily. He was sharing jokes with Professor P, just like old times. 

“Heh… Hey, George. Harold. Seeing those two… You two look like SAINTS in comparison,” Krupp said. 

The boys looked at each other, then back at Edith. Being Captain had really started to rub off on the grumpy commander…

“Yeah. I GUESS I still hate you guys, but hey, I could be being threatened by you, so… Could be worse,” Professor P chimed in dryly, making the boys chuckle a bit. 

“Because of you guys, I’m not a weird booger thing anymore. You should be proud,” Melvin smiled. 

George and Harold blushed. “Shucks… It’s nothing…” 

“Well, actually, that’s a pretty momentous feat, if you ask me,” A mysterious newcomer asked. Everyone screamed, because usually newcomers wanted them dead. 

“Wait… That’s!!-” Professor P yelped. “Chairman of the DP Board??” 

The man nodded. “Just call me D. I’ve come here to award a certain Captain and friends for defeating intergalactic danger?” 

D handed Commander Krupp a trophy, who took it in shock. 

“JH hasn’t won… ANYTHING… In what, 10 years?” He sputtered. 

“Well, would you look at that. Maybe it’s because of my earth-shattering charisma,” Professor P sneered. 

:”Oh, and I almost forgot! You’re free of all charges, Tippy- whoops, wrong book- Pippy!” D said happily. 

“WAHOO! BACK IN BUSINESS, BABY!” Professor P leaped happily, smashing his handcuffs. “Wait… How do you know my first name?!”

D chuckled. “That’s not important. What matters is you guys are heroes, you know? You should be proud. Anyways, I’ll be off. Al just called. He said he’s recording the first draft of the song I asked for,” D waved, bowing to the group one more time before getting back into the launch bay, muttering something about a dog in the police force and an evil cat. 

George smiled at Harold. “Hey, that was cool!” 

Harold nodded. “You know…I think things are shaping up to be pretty good from now on. No more purple portals, no more boogers… Just smooth sailing!” 

The gang pulled each other into a hug and laughed. 

“YO! HEY LUNCH LADY! I’M HUNGRY!” A man yelled, snapping his fingers to get Edith’s attention. George and Harold looked at each other and sighed, as the commander’s hat landed on George’s head. 

Galaxypants gave a triumphant cry as the gang looked at each other, each saying the same thing in near unison.

“Uh oh… Here we go again!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's technically a friday night but i just couldn't wait to post this chapter... ive worked on this thing since september and though it's clear i'm not the best writer, i'm still glad to have it done


End file.
